Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with eight guys. Just now, after taking three trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML
Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML
Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
Today, I can now identify which of my four roommates is using the washroom, based on their grunts. I just love having a bedroom beside the bathroom. FML
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Top comments
Linkerdoodles 15
Do it in the shower! There's something wrong if your roommate comes in while you're in there...
all4pooh 4
I do. I do know what you mean..
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Comments (229)
ilovefall10 21
Nah, when you said " Choke the c*ck " I thought you meant something non-sexual! Seriously though, if it's THAT big of a problem, then go into the shower or go to a hotel! Or perhaps your car?
therealJFK 2
how wouldn't we know what you mean?
alstbv12 13
Seriously. He could have been more subtle by saying he needed to milk his eel or flog the one eyed snake or make the bald man cry...
Plinkin 10
You can't go more than 3 days without choking your ****? You're going to need a lot of lotion if you ever get married!
KnightAngela1109 10
I don't know who you are married to but if you don't get none longer then that really must suck for you :(
DjeePee 25
I know a girl who recently discovered that her boyfriend masturbates on an average of 7 times a week, even when they have had sex a couple of times. So yes, some guys need to ********** a lot.
Monkeysmommy1 0
Not true. Ask MY husband :p
SomeAnonymousBro 4
18-I can't even go one day xD
Krigen89 2
Edit: mistake
CinnamonRugby 5
Day 16 of the exchange program- Feels like puddings inside me. Obese belgium farm girls starting to look good. Day 24- Pain has become too much to bare, a quick choke of the cok will all it'll take, regardless of roomate.
CinnamonRugby 5
*****
FML_Master2133 6
Why the hell was a correction thumbed down?
elletex 8
*bear
DjeePee 25
"Obese belgium farm girls starting to look good." /start of boring bit Hey bro, it's Belgium, not America. Our farms make so less money that the farmer girls are not able to get obese. /end of boring bit
jshaffer 0
Dude your a ******* loser if you have to ********** get a girlfriend
Xythenol 6
I'm pretty sure if OP DOES have a girlfriend, she isn't in Belgium with him at the moment.
Epsilonyx 15
There are plenty of guys with wives and girlfriends that **********, bud.
Linkerdoodles 15
YOU'RE a ******* loser for not knowing the difference between your and you're, and for being an ignorant git. I know I sound like an ass, but come on...
21jason 9
Dude your 18 and wearing a Darth Vader shirt you really wanna talk about getting laid?
Shrike 24
Relax, guys. He's probably jacking off as we speak. Probably as he typed his comment, too, unless he really doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're" or realize masturbation is a healthy part of any sex life. Herpity derp, tough guy, herpity derp. Edit: #33 beat me to it. :(
ManInTheMachine 20
No, you sound fine 33. Now please do continue. I just got my popcorn...
21jason 9
37 share with me
ManInTheMachine 20
No. My buttery popcorn. I do have a Snickers though.... If you can find it! >:D
MrSassypants 34
jshaffer I have to disagree with you. If you can get a girlfriend from masturbating then that makes you a ******* winner.
downtime 13
Naw 25 thinks he's people. Let us know when you hit puberty and we will see if your thoughts on the matter change a little, kid.
Zya_fml 8
I'm guessing you haven't hit puberty.
liscentious23 1
Lord have mercy if we were in the same school 25 we would have been in the same grade>< sorry people not all people born in 1993 act this way. And 25 everyone masturbates even if they have a bf or a gf... If you didn't know that then I'm hypothesizing that your sexual experiences were all "vanilla"
stewpididiot 11
#25 ... when it comes to jacking off there's two kinds of liars. Those who say they don't, and those who say they're gonna quit.
GlitterAngel 8
Actually, my husband doesn't believe in masturbation.. After 10 years of marriage even. Reason 1: He's a real man. Reason 2: He doesn't see his di*k as an obsession. Reason 3: He has a wife who fulfills his needs. All the people who say its healthy and normal clearly are still in the process of curiosity. Hope your balls drop some day lads.
ThecomingofTan 9
185, I haven't laughed so hard in my life. I think you meant to say that you have never caught your husband jerking off.
NoReservations 9
Abstaining from ************ does not qualify you as a real man. It just means something close to these: 1. You don't know how. 2. Your wife/girlfriend does not approve. 3. You are scared to be known as someone who does/embarrassed. 4. Super religious/ possible stoic upbringing. 5. He is lying. Everybody masterbates, lady. At least ONCE. If you don't, you are probably lying. It's just another part of your body. Wouldn't you touch your arm if it felt good? Location/orientation of the body part doesn't make it a no-no to touch. So calm down on calling people losers, maybe you're a loser because neither of you do **********?
lokiitababii69 19
well 185's profile says gods child so i'm guessing super religious!
ICastillo 25
One day just ********** while he's in the room and just stare at him( just don't make eye contact). I'm guessing you'll get all the free time you want after that.
iluvpm1999 1
Are you a girl or guy, sorry for asking
eccentrix 12
'****' isn't a common euphemism for '******'.
mccaincracker 6
At the top of each FML it will show where OP is from and their sex, unless it's an anonymous FML. Which, in this case it isn't so unless you can't differentiate between the symbols it's pretty easy to figure out
KeyboardMe 2
Girl, obviously. What kind of guy would "choke a ****"? Psshhh /sarcasm
SadIife 6
I know what you mean and as others have mentioned, "choke the ****" while you bathe.
Anai08 17
A few things... "Today I started third day of a student exchange program in Belgium" That sounds pretty sweet actually, congrats. "My roommate is a guy.." So? Were you expecting a female roommate? ""...he's always in and out of the bathroom" Okay? "...I don't have nearly enough privacy to chock the chicken.." -__- Really? Your in Belgium and your complaining about now being able to **********? Priorities dude...
esines 9
Hey man everyone loves a good rub-n-tug now n then. But third day? Come on dude you can't even last three days without beatin around the ole meat log?
luvscomplic8ed 6
Three words. Get. A. Girl.
Shadow_Phantom 26
Guys still do that, even if they have a girl. Trust me. As for the OP, FYL hard. I know how that feels.