Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with eight guys. Just now, after taking three trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML
Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML
Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
Today, I can now identify which of my four roommates is using the washroom, based on their grunts. I just love having a bedroom beside the bathroom. FML
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Top comments
Linkerdoodles 15
Do it in the shower! There's something wrong if your roommate comes in while you're in there...
all4pooh 4
I do. I do know what you mean..
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Comments (229)
MrBobby_fml 7
omfg can't you cope with jerkn off for a week?
Sanch101 7
You specify your room mate is a guy? As you did this does this mean if your room mate was a girl this would not have stopped you building calluses?
sausages01 0
So what your trying to say Is if your roommate was a girl you would wank right in front of her like she was a porno? Haha don't worry I know what you mean my boyfriend can't go 10 minutes with out being "on the toilet" :) just tell him F U I NEED TO PISS OUT OF MY WAY
SanaSazi 32
You're in Belgium/Europe ! Expand your horizons to more than 'personal' pursuits... Pursue a gal!!
CharliesCool2084 8
Can you not wait?
dragonmirado 12
The FML's have slipped. A guy not being able to jerk off is not grounds for an FML. Come on moderators...
rj33445 4
U shouldn't b choking the **** anyway
Monkeysmommy1 0
You're an idiot. Sorry.
likeAwesome 3
Naw I don't get what you mean actually...
perdix 31
You're an exchange student. Learn the culture in your host country. You are not far from Waterloo, so go out there, whip out little Napoleon and go all Duke of Wellington on it until he surrenders. You'll have a nice, authentic Belgian wank and learn a little history. Sounds gagner-gagner à moi.
kjb1234 5
Love this comment