Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
Reminder
Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML
Thin walls
Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML
Nooooooo!
Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML
Frustrated
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML
Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML
Boundaries, dude!
Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML
Top comments
theslimshadylp 6
30 months?!? You need to get laid PRONTO!
redmane 21
Don't do what 1 said to do. Get back at them by standing outside their door, loudly making the same noises they are.
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Comments (136)
dancerNsinger4li 0
Should've joined them. Lol
dominic1221 6
1- Whoop whoop, virgin alert.
navik23 6
Pressure of the first comment must of got to him.
Futacy 30
1- INVOLUNTARY CELIBACY, do I have to spell it out? If OP couldn't get laid for the past 30 months, what makes you think his/her roommates would be the ones to do it with OP? think.
evilplatypus 39
27 - To be fair, OP already spelled it out. Some people are just dense and can't/don't read.
NPN_Scorpio 16
#1 suffers from premature commentulation.
paddy4169 5
Well see there's an upside to this, you have a choice of two people that you can bang. Pick one and join in :P
darkfairy2684 9
Do you not know what the term 'celibacy' means?and the fact that OP said 'involuntary' means that you don't understand the term.
Jdog619 11
I'm pretty sure that just because you can hear them having sex it doesn't necessarily mean that either wants to have sex with you.
skoob1 12
I'm with 11, I certainly hope you never caught your parents...
paddy4169 5
Surprise butt sex. You'll also notice the word involuntary meaning he wants to, and not gonna lie if I went 30 months, and my roommates were constantly going at it in the other room, I'd seriously consider it. Besides its a joke, you know those things that don't necessarily add up logic wise, but the thought of OP going into the other room, and politely asking his roommate who's midway through banging some person if he could join is, IMO opinion is hilarious. Besides its not as if threesomes NEVER happen.
paddy4169 5
You've all read too much into it, it was a sarcastic joke, except skoob that was funny
paddy4169 5
And dark fairy, not only is your argument invalid because quite frankly who names themselves dark fairy, but please explain to me how by the fact that OP using the word involuntary in anyway means that I don't understand what celibacy (abstaining from sex) means. The fact that he used the word involuntary means that my idea is valid. Ok I'm done.
Randomoscity 0
Doesn't involuntary mean to NOT have a choice? I mean, to sign up for something by choice is to VOLUNTEER, not to INVOLUNTEER (not even an actual word btw).
FMLKitten 15
62- I think you meant facedesking.
SerendipityRose 26
62- Er, "headdesking"? Also, I completely agree with you... Making fun of someone's username to debunk their comment is ridiculous, since it has nothing to do with what they said. (At least in this instance)
paddy4169 5
Involuntary in this case means that it was forced upon them, meaning that OP does want to have sex, but it's obvious that he is un able to find a sexual partner, and if you don't think that, that was a joke, then yes whenever I hear people having sex, I spontaneously get an uncontrollable urge to get in on the action. I said he had a choice of who he could bang purely based on the fact that he has two roommates who as the FML states are constantly bringing people over to have sex with them. Anyway keep on 'face desking' maybe one day you'll do it too hard and I'll never have to read any more from you. Either that or you learn not to be a wanker and think that your interpretation of the comment is more valid than the original poster, and if you are going to insult someone for 'acting' like a 4 year old, you might want to learn how to construct an argument without using a list, it's very helpful, especially after year 6.
hopsinlove17 26
That's pretty inconsiderate of them:(
KiddNYC1O 22
What do you know? You're just a baby! =P
MDTeddy 13
Roomates aren't suppose to be male and female. it is only all female or all male. I am curious as to how this roomate situation happened.
Quinn32 16
53-Sorry if I misunderstood what you were saying but I read it as each roommate having sex with other people, not them having sex together.
JOcoco 14
53 - maybe they're the same gender? Gay or lesbian?
ShyAnn29 15
53, I think they probably brought someone to their room
haycassidy 7
53, they could live off campus, in that case it could be a mix of female and male roommates.
josiemorehouse 12
Am I the only one who thinks this comment is idiotic?!? How is this inconsiderate to the OP? So does that mean that OP's roommates should not have sex at all? That's not fair. I mean, poor OP, I couldn't imagine 30 months of no celibacy. But making the roommates live sex-free isn't fair. The roommates should try to keep it down, but they shouldn't feel bad. OP: go out & get some!! Trust me, it's not that hard to get laid. Good luck, and invest in some good earbuds or headphones.
THE_A_TEEN 28
josiemorehouse, because having loud sex while your roommate is nearby is rude and inconsiderate. How would you like it if you're in OP's shoes hearing them in the middle of their ****-fest? They could at least go somewhere else where they wouldn't bother someone.
sens3sfailing 25
My brother just moved into an apartment with three other women, no men besides him. There is a real world out there you know and you usually have a roommate until you can afford to actually live on your own. College isn't the only place people share rooms
jnibbles 5
Op roommates have every right to have sex with their partners in their own rooms that they pay for. Although the should try to be quieter if people are around and also try to wait when op is out before they have sex.
bfsd42 20
Wow. This thread of comments makes me realist how young and ignorant the commenters are here. In the real world, guys have girl roommates and people hear people have sex. Do you people really think that this is not the case?
sens3sfailing 25
Apparently. I'm a college freshman and I understood this concept and thought it to be common knowledge. It makes me weep for my generation.
SWEET_CS 6
thank you!! I was just about to comment similarly, I'm in a similar situation right now having three roommates, all guys, me and one roommate both have girls, but we get bitched out if were heard having sex... sadly when you have roommates who are sexually active then hearing sex noises may just be a fact of life... I understand trying to keep it down, but when there's only a thin wall and a more thin door for sound proofing that's easier said than done... even with music, and even with music bumping its not hard to figure out why you're playing loud music at night.....
theslimshadylp 6
30 months?!? You need to get laid PRONTO!
skullofdarkness 18
You think that's bad, I haven't gotten inside a girl in over 18 years! :P
saintsrocksocks 10
That's funny 25, because you're eighteen years old. Oh wait, that's the point. Silly me.
LiterOfCola 16
Gotta love pointless comments such as the one preceding me
ShyAnn29 15
It's been 2 years for me.
onlychildFTW 34
I've gone a month and that's hard.
hopsinlove17 26
Man *****^
greenie213 23
I'm saving myself for marriage.
jovizzle 8
88.. Unless that's a religious preference.. That's just something people who can't get any say.
TurquoiseJesus 15
19 years and still going. And its not because I can't get any, its that I would rather not.
SpottedZebra42 14
93 - Not nessesarily. Also take into consideration that he is 16.
abethehonest 4
were it so easy...
ryukk_fml 3
Am I the only one irritated by the fact that "thirteen" and "30" are two very different numbers?
Cappiej 18
113- Read the FML again please
ExtremeEncounter 32
Are you, stupid #114?
redmane 21
Don't do what 1 said to do. Get back at them by standing outside their door, loudly making the same noises they are.
habibiiiiiii 2
Or he could just blast a porno for hours as revenge too
kegande 0
Stand outside their door and ********** loudly! That'll learn 'em!
Zedd_fml 8
Just stand outside until they see you, then you will get invited to their party, pornologic.
melij99 5
Just watch a porno at full volume to block out all the noise they're making.
cylus13 9
Yes both men did do some really bad things with there lives and yes that's an understatement. But as far as debate goes. I know hitler was one of the best. So it is a complement even if the teacher didn't realize it. But it's what you do with your life that can ether make you great or evil.
twye 22
I think you posted on the wrong FML..
ydi_4_suking 20
and he said Hitler was one of the best...
Zomg_Okay 27
16 - What's wrong with saying that? Hitler was insane but it is absolutely undeniable that he was one of history's greatest public speakers.
coughyochick 7
Terribly wrong FML
ambear26 14
Lol wrong FML I was just reading this FML so I was confused when I read his comment I was like wait I thought I was at a different FML.
ilovedinosawers 17
Wrong FML dummy
skullofdarkness 18
Hitler was a genius. He brought about many great inventions and innovations, and helped Germany to its feet when the whole world was sticking it to them. The whole holocaust thing wasn't really as simple as it was cracked up to be. Hitler wanted to promote evolution by doing what nature would normally do, by killing off the genetically inferior. He didn't really have anything against the jews, they were just a scape goat. People already hated the Jews, so by blaming all of Germany's problems on them, and then rounding them up he gained massive popularity. Since he was taking them out of society and creating camps to put them in, he made them work. And instead of differentiating camps for Jews and everybody else he just put them all in the same camps and worked them to death in many cases. Others, however, who were too weak to work were killed off immediately instead of forcing them to suffer, and also to keep them from slowing things down.
LolFMLnot 10
Wrong FML all the hard work you did on that paragraph went to waste.
bones_17 5
Leave the house and find a girl at a club or mall or grocery store. If that dont work look for a hooker That dont wok get a rub and tug
saintsrocksocks 10
He/She has involuntary celibacy dumb-ass.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Do you not know what "involuntary" means?
emmagillespie24 11
What is celibacy?
ShyAnn29 15
Involuntary = not intentional
LollipopDragon 4
Bones, I think you're missing OP's point.
redmane 21
I don't think OP would want a rub and tug by a stir fry pan.
LiterOfCola 16
31: How does it feel to be hated?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Mock them like the mom and grandma from another FML.
Sillydeadperson 17
Involuntary? Who (or what) could possibly force any human being to become celibate?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
The fact that no one wants to have sex with you.
awkward_gothlady 32
No mutual attraction....
peanutfoo 19
Religion..
SenselessPattern 12
23 different STDs.
SlayerElite 1
STI*
TurquoiseJesus 15
Oh, too bad doc isn't here to tell at 85 for his comment...
Duh_0811 17
Marriage.