Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with eight guys. Just now, after taking three trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML
Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML
Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
Today, I can now identify which of my four roommates is using the washroom, based on their grunts. I just love having a bedroom beside the bathroom. FML
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Top comments
Linkerdoodles 15
Do it in the shower! There's something wrong if your roommate comes in while you're in there...
all4pooh 4
I do. I do know what you mean..
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Comments (229)
Dante8672 0
Try getting laid
alera_fml 12
You could always do it in the shower. That's what my husband does.
sleepingangel 10
Why does your husband need to ********** if he has you?
milfsforlife 3
Just talk to the guy. He's obviously doing it, maybe you could work something out, so you get some free time to fill some needs
reddudeover 2
No one said he was American or that English was his primary tongue. He might be an ITALIAN exchange student or from any other country we really have no way of knowing.
mrmerino 0
Lock the damn door
nowayisthisreal 4
The point of a euphemism is to avoid saying something dirty, if you know what I mean.
NAAMxLOOS 11
The word "****" isn't necessarily dirty, if you know what I mean.
bwtchinheels 0
And why again is he in and out of the bathroom?
grace12898 0
Just don't do it, find a Belgiumish girl to cook you waddles in the morning
Timmeeh 17
Belgian. The demonym for someone from Belgium is "Belgian".
L_Lovegood 19
I find myself wondering about how "waddles" taste...
grace12898 0
Yeah.... I forgot for the minute it took me to write this. I claim temporary insanity, it was around 1 a.m. And my brother had just graduated from high school so I was tired Is it sad that I'm the smartest person in my class?
grace12898 0
Damn auto-correct! Give me the thumb-downs, I deserve them!
lainzilla 14
If that's not what you mean, I have no idea what you mean.
lainzilla 14
try posting replies as replies in the future, fml