Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with eight guys. Just now, after taking three trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML
Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML
Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
Today, I can now identify which of my four roommates is using the washroom, based on their grunts. I just love having a bedroom beside the bathroom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Linkerdoodles 15
Do it in the shower! There's something wrong if your roommate comes in while you're in there...
all4pooh 4
I do. I do know what you mean..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (229)
UsernameHere234 13
I honestly thought initially you meant eat a ****. And so before I clicked on it to see your name and gender I assumed you were a girl haha. On the mobile app btw.
kubbie 1
Oh my god!!!me too xD I was like WTF !!!!!
Calyx_fml 22
You want to choke on his ****?
Ajwc101 24
Um, No comment about the **** part, but far as the washroom breaks try wearing ear plugs.
19riotgrrl83 0
How is "choked the ****" any kind of subtle metaphor? We all know what you mean doofus!
whitepanda13 0
Go find some pussy you pussy
mrsmillsy 10
Reading the comments on this one is way more entertaining that reading the actual fml.
c8750 2
Usually is 96 :-)
L_Lovegood 19
People out there who are telling OP to get a girlfriend... Do you know how difficult it is to be an exchange student? He's only been there 3 days - he probably barely knows their language, he's likely still very stressed about living in a completely new and strange place, and maybe he still suffers a little from jetlag. It's possible he hasn't even started in school yet, which is your main way to be social on an exchange. I can understand why he'd feel the need to get down to earth and do something that isn't totally new and changed. OP, I hope you have a wonderful time(hehehe). -A fellow exchange student.
ArabFML 3
Dang, meant to thumb this UP, not down
liscentious23 1
Go to a bar, smile at a girl who stands around the bar area, ask if she works there and then just go with her because apparently brothels are also in bars in some parts of Belgium?
Gregasus 2
No, they are not.
marisadc79 0
Um wow I gotta say tmi even for FML. FML for having to read that. I'm sure you'll find a way lol.
burntbeard 4
why not find a girl and have her choke on your...