Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML
Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML
Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML
Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML
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Top comments
missamazinggg 12
Such a pain in the ass.
zebraface 15
Because throwing your glasses on the ground is just sooo sexy.
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Comments (201)
AlaskanEskimo34 0
But you made out with your crush :D that always makes people feel better
Pelreskovich 11
Bingo.
TheDrifter 24
Bet you didn't see that one coming.
Myzfit 0
How could she? Her glasses were embedded in her ass.
FML2_XF 3
Hehehe... Touché!
xxmusicroxxx 0
You, sir, r hilarious. Js.
Carbonation 0
1 guy 1 pair of glasses
jroxursox1 10
2 lenses one guy lol
AmbrosiaWriter 17
You need to get yourself some better quality glasses, guy. My glasses have taken basketballs/playground balls to the face when the jerk was throwing it full force and they didn't break. You just sit on them shouldn't have shattered them so that they could cut you.
x3ShanTastic 0
I was thinking the exact same thing. Maybe they sumo slammed onto the ground. Haha
ThrottleJockey 36
Agreed, most lenses are polycarbonate, the same type of lens material used in safety glasses/goggles.
ICATiger 13
Shards of glass in your ass... Is that considered sexy these days....
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Of course! The sparkle really accentuates the curves of a nice ass.
bribubbles 10
I bet that killed the moment. And your glasses.
leogirl95 12
God, that sounds gruesome..."slashed my ass open"
ninjuh_wingman 29
That must have been one big sharp piece of glass to slash your whole ass.
123josie123 11
I hope he kissed it better ;)
mckibben 7
she*
ICATiger 13
Unless OPs gay...
123josie123 11
Lol fml for not noticing the male symbol thingy and automatically assuming that OP is a female, sorry.
akiahara 14
I dunno #7... you get carried away with the glasses during sexy time. Sucks OP. No glasses, no girl, the wrong piece of ass. Don't forget the Neosporin.