Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML
Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I had to get stitches on my foot and was then forced to wear a plastic bag on my foot while showering. The plastic bag made me slip in the shower and had to go back and get stitches in my forehead. FML
Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML
Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML
Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML
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Top comments
manofmerr 27
Just more proof that EVERYTHING tries to kill you in australia.
RichardPencil 32
I think it's you who needs a lifeguard. He'll hide the scissors from you and whistle you when you walk outside barefoot.
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Comments (19)
RichardPencil 32
I think it's you who needs a lifeguard. He'll hide the scissors from you and whistle you when you walk outside barefoot.
manofmerr 27
Just more proof that EVERYTHING tries to kill you in australia.
species4872 20
And we love it here.
manofmerr 27
Thats because you're a australian. You've adapted to everything trying to kill you. You're probably able to heal quickly and jump 50 feet in the air. Im a New Yorkian. Put a computer in front of me and i can do most anything. Put me in the wild, and i'll either learn to teleport, or be very unhappy.
Cali 57
#18- As a fellow New Yorkian, I officially support this statement.
extrasnipes 22
Well at least you were already on your way to your bumbag.
thefmlman2011 37
At least your not one of those sketchy looking people with bum bags. I work in Fast Food, and get them often. They creep me out.
Jay18 22
you're*
trucker2 33
Well, you made it past hump day- sounds like your on a down hill spiral- time for bubble wrap... Best of luck
UnicornsForKurt 7
All glory to the bumbag.
wmayrhofer 18
Being rescued by you seems like a risky affair
caitywebbkid 5
Haha. I've managed to rescue/resus people successfully. I only ever seem to hurt myself, not others!
kenyrabit 25
"(I'm a lifeguard)" who completely disregarded their safety with scissors (perhaps safety-scissors?) and then took a barefoot trip, a distance that should've be shorter for a "bumbag". Still sucks about the wounds, though. It's the worse that they're on your hand and foot.
awesomeamandas 37
someone doesn't realize that lifeguards and other people who save lives are humans too and make mistakes all the time. even being careful you can still injure your body. Hell, I was cutting popsicle sticks one day, thumb away from the blade of the scissors a good amount and I still managed to cut a very large portion out of my thumb when the stick caused the blade to bend. you also do not know if OP were barefoot or not, they could have been wearing flip flops or some other kind of flimsy shoe. even if they were barefoot they don't deserve to get a piece of glass stuck in their foot. because that shit hurts like a ************ and can take months to heal.
caitywebbkid 5
Ignoring the fact that lifeguards don't use scissors anyway (except those tiny medical ones), and thus there isn't some protocol on them, it was a complete accident. I didn't go "hey, let's put my fingers directly on the blade and see what happens". I slipped, simple as that. And yea, I was barefoot. My car was in my driveway, a total of 5 steps away. I'm not putting shoes on for that. Plus I actually think the glass was inside, not out, but that's not the point. Saving lives doesn't make me immune to accident or injury. It just means I'm doing something good with my life to help others. ✌?️
DeathBunny218 37
I like how you felt that you had to justify that the only reason you had a bumbag was because of your job.
caitywebbkid 5
Last time I said I had a bumbag, someone got creeped out until I explained why. Hahaha
grounhogday 0
Maybe you need glasses like the lifeguard in the specsavers ad ;p