Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML
Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML
Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML
Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML
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Top comments
missamazinggg 12
Such a pain in the ass.
zebraface 15
Because throwing your glasses on the ground is just sooo sexy.
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Comments (201)
littlenumber8 8
Ru pretending to be Clarke Kent/superman?
SaMmIMonster96 6
Oh crush, now you can check on my ass.. Is it bleeding?? Thought so..
perdix 31
You didn't mention your crush's gender. If it was a dude, you were about to split your ass open anyways ;)
rabbittboi 18
Yeah, but would he have pre- lubed with blood?
Okayitwasme 0
Glass on ground, can make ass crack.
ifeelya 5
you watch too much movies enough to copy the incident.
shrimpygymnast 9
have fun taking a shit now
UsEumYong 4
Hind sight 20/20?
123kookypoo 10
Mhm, very sexy; Butt stiches. Awesome. FYL.
khaya 9
So, you didn't **** her but a shard of glass ****** you. Should have used plastic, you might of caught something and it wouldn't have hurt as much.
iWoggle 6
And you still have time to write an FML about it? Man, I'm sorry, that gotta hurt... and ruin the mood.