Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML
Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML
Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML
Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML
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Top comments
missamazinggg 12
Such a pain in the ass.
zebraface 15
Because throwing your glasses on the ground is just sooo sexy.
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Comments (201)
ravenxcorvinus 9
that's epic...
DocBastard 40
No. War and Peace is epic. The Canterbury Tales are epic. This is mildly amusing at best. Reserve "epic" for things that actually are.
dogpup4 23
OP puts the ass into glass. Ahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha.
yourXwillh8me 3
careful they don't sew up anything they shouldn't.
MrHankie1999 0
Must've been an eye opener for your partner
awkwardworkplace 9
Someone's a little stupid...
Calyx_fml 22
You put the ass in glass.
FalconCrunch 4
India, eh? I doubt the cow cared whether or not your glasses were still on.
ZOEY2343 0
At least you and your crush were making out. Look on the bright side:)
narrowords 18
You obviously didn't pay for these glasses yourself. Or they didn't have prescription lenses. Mine do not go where feet or asses can break them. Ever.
xcdog16 0
You are last person who should be Thinking about sex