Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
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Top comments
Shannon98 16
Aww your nephew sounds sweet.
Sebastian2022 22
I think your 5 year old nephew bought the balls on eBay! :P
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Comments (150)
tosdyke 16
Nobody wants to purchase balls that don't work...
Chelserser 20
That is too adorable! Your nephew sounds like a sweet heart :)
Cookiestar1313 11
he bought his balls...you lost yours! XD
AdamTB 26
Like a lot of strong fears, it's irrational. I can say that with complete sincerity because I am one of the people that are afraid of roaches. Despite them offering no personal danger to me, I am quite possibly more afraid of them than I am of serial killers, which is admittedly depressing.
macbeth12 8
this is such a cute story.
THEDUDE1553566 24
That's so sweet lol
ladyg228 15
Kids are the best! Hahaha your username *winning*
TheNewGuy03 29
That is a cool-ass little dude, because a lot of kids run away too. And you need to grow some balls. ;)
poisonedpeanuts 22
I want to adopt your nephew omg
shadow1248 23
Aww, that's kinda adorable of him!