Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cuz803 46
Now I know roaches are disgusting and much more diabolical when they FLY but you gotta stand your ground and KILL THE LITTLE SHIT! Don't let no ******* roach bully you around the comfort of your own home (sorry for being a hypocrite as I'm scared of mice).
Chazzster 32
When I lived in Florida USA they had roaches like that - Big and with wings under the shell that could fly. They called them “palmetto bugs” and they mostly lived outside. They were nasty and freaky!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (3)
cuz803 46
Now I know roaches are disgusting and much more diabolical when they FLY but you gotta stand your ground and KILL THE LITTLE SHIT! Don't let no ******* roach bully you around the comfort of your own home (sorry for being a hypocrite as I'm scared of mice).
Chazzster 32
When I lived in Florida USA they had roaches like that - Big and with wings under the shell that could fly. They called them “palmetto bugs” and they mostly lived outside. They were nasty and freaky!
Yudith 28
When that kind of thing happens, I prefer oven cleaner. It's super effective!