Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
Alysin 14
*facepalm*
DudeImBetter 0
why were you looking there pervert, on another note this reminds me of hangover two with the Asian guy's knob.
27BronxBombers 12
the dog could've been on his back with the OP petting his stomach. I do that all the time with my dog. that's probably how he/she noticed
Prankster7o7 5
That movie ******* sucked! it was the same as the first just different place.
DudeImBetter 0
I was just kidding, people these days take everything so serious, yeah it was pretty cheesy. like how he called them again and said that they messed up and how instead of kidnapping a tiger they kidnapped a monk and instead of a tiger there was a monkey and how they were looking for 1 guy the whole time. I liked the first one a lot tho.
babygirlc1 5
agreed!
Molord1 0
12- just stfu... both of your comments were stupid af. on another note, this reminds me of the retarded guy in hangover two who tries to be cool but ends up looking retarded.
froufrou7 3
haha **** that movie was awsome! XD
j_cat187 20
how can you be so confused... red rocket!
nateiztite 5
lol that's from south park!!! sp ftw way better than family guy:p
cisnecreciendo 0
red rocket! haven't heard that in forever lol
zeffra13 31
#150 it's not from South Park, that's the common name for it & has been for decades at least.
StrawberryBarbie 0
lol that happened to me, but instead my cousin saw it and started calling it a "pink lipstick"
Gorillaz23 9
that's what my friend calls it... :/
wordnerd42 0
Do not apply directly to lips.. please.
kaoriblossom 8
My family says Red Rocket Jacking Off Again XD
kawaiianime 5
I call it the eraser... >_
Mach10 0
Indirectly is OK, though? That's a relief!
JuliaLauren 0
haha I call it lipstick too;) my little cousin tried to put it in her mouth.....
roxasfightshard 0
Call it the pencil it creates thing not gets rid of them
xXSillyLoveXx 0
That's arousal. Doggy-style.
detective_oreo 0
dog boner!
SpeakingMyMind 0
You figure that out all by yourself, eh?
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
dogs don't really get boners...
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
I love how I get negatives for no ******* reason lol ur all just bitches
danielreader22 4
Or maybe you're just an idiot.
hellokimmiee 5
clap clap
Samiebear 10
first off I knew that when I was 11 I am now 15 and how could you not know that?!?
slinginmac14 0
u hoar. hahahaha
Lucie_love 4
Congratulations! *rolls eyes*
aceOH 2
*cough cough* ***** *cough cough*
skidoo800HO 2
Everyone is soooooo proud of you.... not really.
beardcrumbs 0
oh my we have a genius here! 15 and she know what a dogs Wang looks like. T.T
beardcrumbs 0
oh my we have a genius here! 15 and she know what a dogs Wang looks like. T.T
EvelynnG 0
no1 gives a shit.
Ghostkiller12345 9
20- Ask me if i give a **** and ill answer honestly and youll find out I agree with all the thumbs down...
jaaaclyn 0
OMG WOW you've made it four whole years knowing what a dog's penis looks like!
jaaaclyn 0
and why do you remember the age at which you learned that it was a penis?
salsa324 0
wow I knew that when I was 5 ur both a fail let's put it that way
Ga080795 0
wow u guys r fn jerks. she was just sayin she knew how couldn't he? really you guys r ass holes
Ga080795 0
wow people r jerks
lexisteez 0
11? thats late to me (x
hapy_pig098 13
Really thats nothing to be bragging about since you already sound like an annoying dumbass
alicethehatter 0
*Facepalm* If you dont't know what the lipstick is, you really shouldn't be the one responsible for the dog's wellbeing.
borkchop1992 15
someones a virgin