Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me that they were just actors on their lunch break. FML
Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
Today, a fake soldier tried to chat me up at a bar. I know he was fake because one of his medals is only given posthumously to soldiers who died in combat, like my own dad, yet this creep was claiming he earned it himself. When I confronted him, he busted out my front teeth before running away. FML
Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML
Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML
Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML
Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML
Today, I, a retired U.S. Army soldier, was shouted down and called a liberal snowflake and even accused of stolen valor. Why? I admitted that I absolutely hate Trump. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML
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Top comments
Zomg_Okay 27
I think 10 minutes was a little excessive, regardless of whether or not he was a soldier.
perdix 31
Are you a stutterer? How long does it take to say, "Thank you for your service?" It's easy to confuse work uniforms with military ones. The paper hat and the stench of rancid fry grease should have tipped you off.
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Comments (152)
sennfamily 3
I hate stupid army wives like you who think that they are the soldier. Guess what.... You aren't. You need to learn your place as an army wife. If you want to spout codes did you learn this one, an army spouse is to walk 1-2 paces behind and to the left of the military personnel. FYI that means you are beneath a soldier and behind a soldier you are not to speak for them or be on the same plane as them. Everything you say or do is a representation of the soldier, your soldier can get in trouble for your actions. Learn to behave like a good army spouse. And before you go off on me realize I AM AN ARMY WIFE AND AN US ARMY SOLDIER. Have a good day
cupcakestar 5
What about Halloween when people dress up and claim to be a marine or an army guy and they wear their fathers old uniform. Is a 12 year old committing a crime
sennfamily 3
No. What people don't realize is anyone can buy the uniform. In fact they sell children sized uniforms at the military clothing stores on post. What is wrong is wearing the uniform completely correct and acting like a soldier as well as saying your a soldier.
katiemarek2 10
no, because it is a retired uniform. Although it should be treated with more respect instead of having a "12 year old" wearing it around on halloween
cupcakestar 5
What about when people dress up as military personnel for Halloween. If a 12 year old wears his fathers old army uniform, is he committing a crime
sennfamily 3
No. They are not that law is for those who intentionally dress up to do harm. And add to the fact anyone can buy uniforms as well as the on post military clothing stores actually sell uniforms in kids sizes. Also in order for you to get in trouble you must be wearing the uniform completely correct. And I must ask in all seriousness how many civilians, spouses aside, actually know EXACTLY how the uniform is worn down to our laces. I mean really
gramie 8
I'm not sure I understand this worship of the military. So the guy was wearing an army uniform. Even if he was a legitimate soldier, it doesn't mean he served overseas. If he served overseas, it doesn't mean he was in a combat zone. If he was in a combat zone, it doesn't mean he saw combat (although yes, it does mean that he was risking his life). (e.g. according to Wikipedia, 49,000 out of 565,000 of the U.S. army are infantry) Maybe the guy does computer repair on a base in Idaho, or is a cook in Germany. Maybe he pushes papers in an office in Maryland or Miami. I appreciate the sacrifices that many servicemen/women and their families have made, but idolizing the whole group is counter-productive.
happle 21
Because people in the military are useless unless they're in combat.
gracehi 33
I'm in the US Navy, and in a way I agree with you. I repair and maintain helicopters and direct flight line traffic. While my job is dangerous, it's no more risky than it is for those who do the same job for private companies, yet people don't go around randomly thanking those people. The only way I'd get injured or killed would be if I or somebody else did something stupid. I've also never been deployed, not yet anyway. To be completely honest, I didn't join the Navy out of a sense of duty to my country, but simply because I needed a job. I feel bad when people equate me to those who engage in combat. I don't think I even come close to being the heros they are. Hell, I don't consider myself a hero at all--just someone who does a job. And there are those in the military who, in my opinion, are even less worthy of the pedestal people put them on. Some military members are real shit bags, constantly trying to find ways to get out of work, some even going so far as to fake illness or injury, and milking the benefit system for all it's worth. If they weren't under contract, or if their malingering could be proven, they'd be fired. Others also just have really cushy jobs, where they work in an air conditioned office for eight hours a day and get two hour lunch breaks, get weekends off and half days on Fridays. In my experience, those guys often don't even do their paper pushing jobs well. But, then again, there's no way for a civilian to know what a service member does just by looking at them, so it's better to error on the side of gratitude and respect.
seacadet 18
Wow... You're the kind of POG that all my grunt friends don't mind, and even like.... Not doing an easy job an trying to get the same attention as combatants... HOOYAH Sailor SN Carroll, USNSCC
sennfamily 3
I doubt your husband agrees with you because if you know your laws as well as you say you do false representation of the laws and of soldiers is against the law and if you do something wrong you get yourself and your husband in trouble because once again everything you do reflects upon the soldier. And you must be new with the military because you have a lot to learn.
maz95 17
That's embarrassing, but 10 minutes?!
kk90 3
Wht a dick! its against the ******* law to wear a uniform if u actually didnt serve!! Its called stolen valor act!!
morella_xx 29
Stolen Valor actually only applies to medals, badges, etc. It's not illegal to wear a uniform as long as it doesn't have those on it. Although I do think it's pretty dishonest.
sniken 14
So much rambling here septembersunset. Just move on - you ain't proving or gaining anything by commenting further on this thread.
ariaofdoom 16
That is a long time to spend thanking someone... and either OP is not overly familiar with his/ her country's military uniforms or that person was accurately dressed. If the later is true, that is a crime though ultimately more of a morality issue than criminal. But I digress and have to say it amazes me the number of people that want to stop and thank me for my service. Like it's been mentioned sometimes I don't know how to respond so I smile and thank them in return. Someone mentioned not understanding why the military is so idolized. Well I would rather people support myself and my brothers and sisters in arms, regardless of knowing our career's history than to be treated as soldiers were during Vietnam.