Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me that they were just actors on their lunch break. FML
Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
Today, a fake soldier tried to chat me up at a bar. I know he was fake because one of his medals is only given posthumously to soldiers who died in combat, like my own dad, yet this creep was claiming he earned it himself. When I confronted him, he busted out my front teeth before running away. FML
Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML
Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML
Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML
Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML
Today, I, a retired U.S. Army soldier, was shouted down and called a liberal snowflake and even accused of stolen valor. Why? I admitted that I absolutely hate Trump. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML
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Top comments
Zomg_Okay 27
I think 10 minutes was a little excessive, regardless of whether or not he was a soldier.
perdix 31
Are you a stutterer? How long does it take to say, "Thank you for your service?" It's easy to confuse work uniforms with military ones. The paper hat and the stench of rancid fry grease should have tipped you off.
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Comments (152)
dashizam 10
Sure, ladies. I'll ask my amazing lawyer later. AKA Mom
rivaraven 35
Well... I have the uniform, too, though I'm not a solider. There is a difference that I don't have flags or nametag on it. So it's not hard to get a uniform, the other thing is if it's a real solider or not who wears it and the ability to understand. Saying this to them, who ask how would a civilian get a uniform. It's not hard at all.
ChadBrisson 5
Soldiers can order replacement uniform pieces online. It wouldn't be that difficult to acquire a full ACU outfit minus the flag and army tag.
courtneyann211 10
Thrift stores also carry them. If you live around an army navy store, you can get the entire uniform (minus the patches and name tag). Hell, around here the cops wears most of the army uniform
chocolateisyum 12
Ten minutes of talking to a random person. Isn't that slightly excessive, whether or not they are in the army. A quick "thank you for your service for this country" is enough.
Zomg_Okay 27
You're making a big fuss over somebody wearing an illegal uniform and we don't even know what uniform it was. It says "an army uniform". Not "A U.S. Army uniform". For all we know he was wearing Irish DPM or Canadian CADPAT. Give it up, already.
Sedici_fml 6
Posing as a soldier is actually a felony.
ChadBrisson 5
If you actually come out and say you are a soldier, yes. Wearing ACUs as a costume or outfit is not as long as you don't wear a flag patch, Brigade patch or the US army patch. My first sergeant actually gave my girlfriend's daughter a US army hat to wear.
ChadBrisson 5
Wearing an army uniform isn't illegal as long as you don't claim to be one. I order new pieces for my uniform offline and they don't ask for my military ID or anything. They just ship it right to me. Only things you can't order offline are the US army tag or the shoulder flag patch. That and your brigade patch.
shortasalways 9
Have you NEVER played airsoft or paintball tornaments? Some of those men and boy get serious and wear camo.Maybe the gu is from the south, alot of the wear it out hunting. OP never said it was real Army uniform. Also, dont go around quoting codes if your not in the actual Army. Whats your rank? NONE. You husband is military and not you. I am a military wife and work for the military. I hate when spouse try to act like they are the service member, are you a dependopodmus too?
Enslaved 38
Maybe he's just dressing the part to pick up chics? I know a lot of girls that are crazy for a guy in uniform. ***I'm a huge fan of camouflage, myself! (:
Cryogenix 12
There is a MAJOR difference in camouflage and the US Army uniform! You could just fall for a redneck that came from hunting.
ChadBrisson 5
As a soldier I second this comment. ACUs can be ordered online, and as long as you don't outright claim to be a soldier you aren't committing a crime.
shortasalways 9
Also, they sell PT gear similar to active duty for spouses. Sorry to anyone else to reads my rant which has gramatical errors no doubt. My phone is messed up and people who act like this make my blood pressure rise.