Playaaa
Hollister, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
xsnqw
San Francisco, United States
Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML
Rosie
Wesel, Germany 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
morethanredhands
🌶️ Spicy
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Danny
Dublin, Ireland 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
eric
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Great chat!
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Bluetooth Connection
🌶️ Spicy
Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML
IsThisRealLife
This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff
United Kingdom
Read the room
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
DearLord
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
pantyripper
Essendon, Australia
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Top comments
JHPugh 19
Absent-minded actions are sometimes pretty embarrassing.
mattzawesome 28
Not uncommon lots of absent minded men do it, me included. #1 not weird at all.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
Jabunk21 8
I once wrote a FML as yours and the manager didn't publish it. I thought it's personal.
steam_engenius 21
There's no "manager" who decides what gets posted. The voters decide. And with your improper sentence structure/wording, that may have been a main reason yours didn't get published. People on here hate improper spelling and grammar.
worldclassrager 41
Use two hands on your phone for now on
FrenchToastKick 18
Maybe you should stop jacking off to your phone so much.
Kaalschneid 21
more than two shakes is playing with yourself helicopter dick
Lunab123 16
Dear God man! Think of the children!
kalbrek009 20
Nothing weird about that...that's just plain wrong. Especially if you're doing it in public (regardless of if your hand is inside or outside your pants)...buddy, you need professional help. Purposely or absent minded in public..are you checking to see if it's still there or are you psychologically unbalanced?
JohnnyWake0 13
This is the 1st FML I've seen where the "you deserve" it is a ton more than the "your life sucs"
luvlu444 24
well it could be worse, i mean, at least no one gets hurt
Captain_Debilos_fml 13
you did the chopper with it ?
Xion0014 20
My brother scratches his dirty work balls and plucks a pubic hair and sniffs it.. Sometimes in front of guests.. I guess this is one the reasons why you're supposed to suppress bad habits lol!