Playaaa
Hollister, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
xsnqw
San Francisco, United States
Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML
Rosie
Wesel, Germany 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
morethanredhands
🌶️ Spicy
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Danny
Dublin, Ireland 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
eric
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Great chat!
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Bluetooth Connection
🌶️ Spicy
Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML
IsThisRealLife
This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff
United Kingdom
Read the room
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
DearLord
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
pantyripper
Essendon, Australia
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Top comments
JHPugh 19
Absent-minded actions are sometimes pretty embarrassing.
mattzawesome 28
Not uncommon lots of absent minded men do it, me included. #1 not weird at all.
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Comments (100)
bella_nana347 23
I mean, it's fine as long as you're not a dick about it
bingalingading 12
*groan*
countryb_cth 38
No groaning, people might get the wrong idea.
MJS103 15
Ahhhhh I get it. I don't understand why people on this app are so bitter and don't like jokes.
False_Stupidity 42
That's one habit you should kick before someone overreacts and you get into serious trouble.
HollyQuinn 21
Hang on. It's apparently OK if a guy does it, but I'm sure if I sat there playing with my ****** it wouldn't be OK? Personally, I think that's a really weird thing to do but whatever.
Tripartita 45
I think getting an FML published for doing something indicates wether or not most people find it okay.
dutchy86 20
i wouldn't mind... go and enjoy yourself :)
Tripartita 45
I always thought that the whole men-being-obsessed-with-their-dicks thing was a phallusy—I mean fallacy.
bonermonkey 31
I am so glad someone made that joke
Xeebar 28
Damn you muscle memory.
limegreenpoopie 31
Lol that's it? Nothing compared to mine xD
dutchy86 20
tnx for the cliffhanger :s
Scorpio01 16
And what do you do???
ashleighmay18 21
That's just weird haha
r3ktm8 13
How do you just suddenly realize something like that? Apparently a lot of people do that...
forest_2015 14
well as long as you don't start playing with a strangers penis than its ok
9a_1z 12
My level of revulsion at this statement depends on whether you mean inside or outside of your pants. I knew a lad who'd have his hands down his pants then wanted to shake hands or share stationary or exist in the same room as me. Blergh.
kalbrek009 20
I met a girl who did that very often (except inside her pants & scratching who an itch from knows what type nastiness) she would often run her fingers through men's beards/goatees afterwards..took me hours to wash that smell out of my goatee & it wasn't a nice smell..told her if she was ever going to touch it again she'd have to wash her hands first..she got offended & tried to do it again (even after I told her I saw what she did)...I got as far away from her as possible & never spoke to her again. bleahhhhh!
countryb_cth 38
Omg. That is so disgusting. Especially since she left behind a smell. *gag*