Today, I'm a trained soldier with tours of duty under my belt, 6 foot tall with scars and tattoos, and yet I still can’t beat my brother in a fight because he cheats by tickling me until I can’t breathe or piss myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, ever since he beat him in wrestling, my husband has been trying to prove he’s manlier than our son, proving only that he’s the most childish in the house. I had to put a stop to it after he tried to stand up to the PTSD-suffering veteran at the end of our street, and got put in hospital. FML
Today, I got proof that martial arts don’t really work, I’ve supposedly worked my way up to my black belt, and I challenged my brother to a match. He floored me with one punch before I could do anything, and he only weight lifts to keep in shape, he’s never done martial arts in his life. FML
Today, after training for six months in martial arts, I was ready to stand up against my bully. When he approached me. I found out the hard way he’s been doing martial arts since he was six. I didn’t know that. FML
Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Today, my brother ran in, handed me a spatula, and told me to stand still. Barely a second later, our sister came tearing in the house with a fresh, raised welt on her ass cheek in the shape of said spatula, saw me holding said spatula, and kicked my ass up and down the house until I escaped. FML
Today, despite working out and training in combat sports routinely as a lifestyle, I continue to have nightmares of those who bullied me in middle school in the past. These people can no longer torture me in real life, but still can in my dreams. FML
Today, my brother was officially diagnosed with gigantism. According to the specialist doctor, he'll probably be 8 feet tall, if not taller. Hearing this, my brother looked at me and said, "Remember when you used to pick on me for being smaller than you? Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" I’m so screwed. FML
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Top comments
ass 11
Kick him in the dick, make it a fair fight. Or go to therapy and figure out why you feel the need to fight your brother but hey, your business is your business
RichardPencil 32
Your size and military record and skin defects have no effect on your susceptibility to the Tickle Monster. The real FML here is how can one brother be extremely ticklish and the other not at all? It ain't fair!!!
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Your size and military record and skin defects have no effect on your susceptibility to the Tickle Monster. The real FML here is how can one brother be extremely ticklish and the other not at all? It ain't fair!!!
ass 11
Kick him in the dick, make it a fair fight. Or go to therapy and figure out why you feel the need to fight your brother but hey, your business is your business
sonofmandalor 15
no such thing as fair fight. I was taught to use and advantage in a fight by a US Marine
Nellie 1
That’s ******* adorable, imho 🤷🏼♀️