Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wore my new noise-canceling ear buds in a grocery store and nodded along, getting into the groove. When I took them off at checkout, the cashier asked who I was talking to. I realized I’d been quietly singing to myself ASMR-style while making intense eye contact. FML
Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML
Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML
Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
Today, I've become so used to being ignored, that not only can I recognize the unique physical and verbal tics (or lack thereof) that certain people have when they're not listening to me, but I can even mutter just about anything under my breath - even in public - completely confident that no one will listen. FML
Today, I connected my phone to my car’s Bluetooth to listen to music. I didn’t realize my playlist had shuffled onto an old voice memo where I'd drunkenly recorded myself singing a heartfelt love song about pizza. It played as my boss got in for our carpool to a conference. I had to sit through the drive while she hummed along to “Cheese, you complete me.” FML
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Top comments
elliotm 0
this is the saddest tale I've heard on this site
amburger7345 3
it's sadder that you bought a Bluetooth, and also that you feel talking to yourself is not normal. most people talk to themselves.
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Comments (207)
13crowe 2
You are a genius. My hat is off to you.
nabee26 15
Actually I do that when I'm around people I don't want to talk to. That way they don't talk to me bc they think I'm already talking to someone. It's genius! Lol
taliesint 2
Haha that's awesome I would do the same thing, and have fake arguments with myself and make people think I want to kill the "person" on the other line
ApacheC424 18
Before buying the Bluetooth, did OP by chance, discuss with himself in public whether or not to buy it? How did people react?
Wealthyparrot 9
Happens to me all the time. I usually notice I've been talking when people start looking at me funny. Fortunately, I can do a good dog impression, and that usually convinces them I'm too crazy to be bothered.
KlutzyRequiem 20
....as long as you don't get answers back.....
michael666 7
that is an awesome idea, I should try that.
SpyroCool 13
But how does the headset people think you're talking to someone else if you're replying to yourself. Or are you just having a one way conversation?
TsarKeith12 9
If it makes you feel any better, even after people see that you have a blue tooth, they still will think you're a lunatic for using it :p
Zeroace 18
I thought I was the only one...