Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
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Top comments
EverettA 16
Take a picture of him when he's holding his crotch and say #circumcision_ftw
lowkeybelieber 7
He kind of ****** you with that post
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Comments (96)
lowkeybelieber 7
He kind of ****** you with that post
zykrithium 22
And she let him!
Akoni 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
...girls poop?
smokecloud_ 37
The pot of gold must've come out the glitter and rainbows.
Purexinsanity 46
They sure don't pee and sweat either!
AnalAssassin1 14
No. Only Kim Jong Un doesn't poop.
Iwannarock1 19
My GF doesn't. or so she says.
psychopolarbear 28
Of course not! We are ladies! We don't partake in gross pastimes like pooping, sweating, or any kind of nonsense like that. What do you think we are? Human?
ohSNAPyall 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Disrespectful. Stand up for yourself.
Sethan01 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Funny. Go with it.
llalala_fml 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Not funny. That's way too personal for Facebook and why is it that guys like the idea of inflicting pain on women when they **** them? Sex shouldn't be painful, unless that's what's she's into, and either way, wayy to personal to be sharing with your friends. This guy is a jerk
youngsofly 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
get your head out of your ass & develop some humor, then maybe life wouldnt seem so bitter for you.
llalala_fml 19
I actually do have a sense of humor. But publicly degrading women, nevermind your own girlfriend, is not funny.
FiFiLovee 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why is everyone ranting about posting it up? It's really not that big of a deal. There was no nudity, nor anything going on but her limping. OP obviously knew it was a joke, I don't see the 'disrespectful' part of it. And I'm a chick. I'd have laughed at that if my bf had posted something of the sort. As long as I didn't look stupid or too ugly in the clip. XD But I mean, I guess that's just me? It was only a joke people. /_
FiFiLovee 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Nor do i see how this degraded her in any way. Or come off as him implying that he wants to hurt her during sex either? #AnalFTW XD
The_Skittish_One 27
While I agree that some people might find it funny (I have somebody on my FB friends list who constantly posts things like this about her boyfriend and he seems to be okay with it), some people would be upset at it. Particularly because it's on the internet and it's there pretty much forever. And given that OP posted it as an FML I was under the impression that it made her upset. I think it would have been one thing to joke about it with OP, or even with his friends in real life, but putting it on facebook is a whole other thing. Maybe her boyfriend really didn't think that she would mind, I don't really know, but OP seemed upset about it is all.
Jackimo98 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Shitty
slingerslasher 24
Thanks
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Your boyfriend is an idiot; everyone knows not to put spaces after hashtags!!
sunnyskys 25
#**** hashtags
Markovski 18
Why the hell would he post that on Facebook??? Is he like 12?
edmunson 22
If your poop really hurts that bad get mire fiber! Just sayin'.
Purexinsanity 46
That sounds incredibly immature of your boyfriend As a side note, fiber is your friend
Dilwann 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I find this interesting. I've both had anal and excruciatingly painful craps, but I've never not been able to walk normally from it. I wonder where the difference lies.
JMichael 26
I'll add this to my list of things I didn't need to know :'D
Mauskau 36
It depends on the size, how long you were holding it in for and how difficult it was. That goes for both. Also, not everyone is the same.
Blue_Black_fml 21
#9, thanks for sharing that with us..
llalala_fml 19
I'm sure you guys have heard and shared more detailed shit and sex stories so quit your whining
AllSoul 23
#72 Maybe not to complete strangers.
EverettA 16
Take a picture of him when he's holding his crotch and say #circumcision_ftw
camogirl2249 19
This comment #ftw
SirobBoy223 5
Well a circumcision is just removing the foreskin on the head of your penis, I do not see how this is bad for the guy?
honeymoonroyale 20
I think you should reread your comment, #69.
howard007 18
In ways more than one;)