Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML
Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML
Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
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Top comments
arabianhorse1234 0
Close/lock the door maybe?
bittersweets 2
word. put it in a safe place and go shit alone. if you let your baby get what it wants every time you're going to have some hard years in front of you...
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Comments (226)
iCookiieMonster 0
OP. Fyl ;; :3. x
mrsdoctor10 4
Welcome to parenthood! My two and a half year old comes to the bathroom with me every time, and always has to look at what is in the toilet, then flush it. If you think this is an fml, then maybe you shouldn't be a parent.
skyeyez9 25
Parents with small children have No privacy. It sucks, but you eventually get used to it. I am in the same boat as you,
sambobam 0
how does the kid know your going to go take a crap? weirddd put the kid in a crib
soyqueen 2
That is soooo gross.
atomicwedgie4u 0
how long does it take you to crap that you can't leave the kid in a playpen. Tell the kid you'll be back in a second do your business & then make a big fuss that you came back. Or play peek-a-boo with him in longer & longer intervals to trick him.
armyman981 0
why do you leave the door open?
roscolene 1
It's called a door & a lock. . . . . . USE IT!
MoJoThundRpants 0
its gonna sound more weird when you tell your kid about it while he matures
Whiterabbitm1 0
have you ever thought of maybe oh I don't know PUTTING THE BABY IN THE CRIB!!! damn ive been a parents for 7months and even I'm not this oblivious!