Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML
Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML
Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
arabianhorse1234 0
Close/lock the door maybe?
bittersweets 2
word. put it in a safe place and go shit alone. if you let your baby get what it wants every time you're going to have some hard years in front of you...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (226)
arabianhorse1234 0
Close/lock the door maybe?
kris18gc 0
that's adorable
bittersweets 2
word. put it in a safe place and go shit alone. if you let your baby get what it wants every time you're going to have some hard years in front of you...
Shookitup 0
that's kind of awkward, nice story to tell them when they're older :P
Horrified86 0
Make sure he doesn't go in the toilet and play with any new "toys" he finds.
SeanFredrick 3
Lok de dow!
Izzy_babii 0
Ew so your baby gets to sit on you dick? lovely
Neex_fml 0
it's time to cut the lead on that child! make it learn you're not always there it has to cook its own food and pay the bills from now on.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Don't scare the kid with any explosive diarreah. :P
Epic_Phale615 0
Umm... close the door and put them in a playpen?
mancer 0
this is only the beggining... get used to it :)
srunano 4
quit bitching Op, its a 9month old not a teenager. You knew that parenthood involved more responsiblity and less personal time. So grow up, shut up, and step up!
nabo4u 0
op same thing with my wife. what's worse is that besides the kid, our dog goes in there too. so it's like a convention in the bathroom. this isn't the end of the world though. if it bugs you so bad, put the baby in her crib while you go too the bathroom
DudeImWayBetter 0
ydi for raising such a weird o
sxyntx 0
no.....all privacy ended when he was born! you get it back between hen they leave home and you have grandchildren! and locking them out or putting them in a cage is how this world got so f-ed up in the first place! it breeds selfishness and insecurity......
gabbster95 0
why dont you put them in their crib or playpen and let them cry.....making things difficult and unsanitary....
BeeHappy_fml 0
yeah that's gross! grow some and learn to teach your kid to be independent and to quit being so damn clingy! when my sister was 9 months old she could play quietly in the playpen by herself!!
xPedobear 0
what if it's a chic? chics take dumps right?
peedxdxdx 0
45 your a dumbass
Hazelfbabyyy 0
10 - true
FateBurns 6
well at least the kid wants to be with you!!
srunano 4
71...why because i have a different opinion than yours on what i would do in the OP's position?? Yeah i can see the reasoning behind your logic...Next time provide your own comment to the FML instead of attacking other ppls just because you dont agree...
srunano 4
and btw 71 it's "you're" not "your"....if you are going to insult at least have the decency to do it correctly...dumbass
aSadistsWrath 5
you just cant spell can you?
Meegggaaann 0
that like made my life
KiddNYC1O 22
lmfao! how the fck 21's comment doesn't get mod and my sht did, I said tick.... lol siigh
OopsieDaisies 0
I sense a good story for their wedding! :)
Ali_Br_fml 33
well 69, the name is mr. idk, but I think they decided 2 use that 2 let us know he was a male. that's what I get from the fml anyway... no sarcasm, just guessing too.
joker141 0
am I the only one that thought of a blumpkin???????
Jack_4194 1
Don't spoil the child. Close/lock the door. He can't get absolutely everything he wants. 2 minutes apart isn't going to kill him, let him cry, he's fine.
skullbashd 3
45 you're a dumbass
knight0748 5
just leave the kid crying for 5 mins. it's not that hard.
VegasSkiess 0
I personally think it's ur fault. not being sarcastic, I honestly believe it's ur fault
srunano 4
110 congrats.... I hope your life is complete now and you can finally move on.. your mom should have swallowed
sampson9911 0
Why don't you just shoo it away next time with your foot?
cchristine 0
okay, it's not the end of the world? I've heard worse so suck it up. love always, Cchristine.<3
Mickay1232 0
y don't u close the door?! lol
xileWabbit 0
I agree with 10, you could get a bunch of laughs and sweet revenge when they're older by telling their date that story in front of them xP lol I know I would >.> hahaha :D
daarlingdamsel 0
129- you get worked up too easily. They are trolling to get a rise out of you, find something better to do rather than sitting and defending yourself on an FML. I agree with most everyone else OP. Lock the door and have 2 minutes of private time. The child will survive and will eventually stop doing it. It will not be scarred for life nearly as much as it will be when it's older and finds out it sat on your lap while you shat!!
executivemom 0
exactly #40. one of the first things you learn as a parent is things like sleeping, crapping, and showering are now team sports.
valley_dragon 0
YDI for having a kid.
quent10 0
no there is a way... teach your ****** kid
croso88 5
op your are ******* stupid. CLOSE THE ******* DOOR!!!
Elicy1984 0
I'm sure the child will survive 5min without you.
Elenachka 0
I agree, shut the ******* door moron. If this has you all "fml" I feel sorry for you and, especially, your child. Being a parent is hard, but maybe try focusing on all the awesome and amazing aspects instead? (to whoever mentioned his wife and the dog) ...my dog alwaaaays follows me into the bathroom, its such a pain in the ass! he can open doors and he's huuuge (160 lbs)... then my cats and Goldie occasionally join the party. fun times. it is funny watching him back out of the bathroom and hallway though, cause his bigass is too huge to turn around lol. but he's still my bebe :x
Plasencia09 0
Seriously?!??!?! the B-A-B-Y is 9 months old. You must not be a parent. go lock yourself up
cadillacgal79 32
130-It's a baby, not a cat.
epr 0
Well, that's sanitary.
randiZ25 0
hey be happy it's just your 9 month old.. my 5 year old and 1 1/2 year old stand at the door screaming/crying till I'm done/let them in =
greeneyebeauty9 28
maybe you should teach your child who that it's not okay. they're over five and should know now.
hollowaybrady34 6
L.O.L
22cute 17
I remember that stage with my kids. you're a good Mom & this will pass soon.
SirWhatsHisFace 0
Can you blame a kid for wanting a little action?
cyanidesandwich 21
wtf is wrong with you. go get a life
forever2life 0
you're descusting.
Furley 4
Your child is going to grow up to be a spoiled rotten brat, because you are going to baby it for its entire life. Grow a pair and take some responsibility.
jasper456 0
it's a little baby key word baby hat do u do to a baby? oh yea that right u baby it. it's a 9 month old baby it's not like it's forever in fact it's proply just looking for confert it's a baby and to everyone saying "put it in the playpen" well what is a playpen? it's pretty much a prison but with some toys. op should y don't u live the baby with other parent and just lock the door
BeeHappy_fml 0
uhm excuse me but all humans need to learn to be self sufficient and independent, and also to leave people tfa when they're in the damn bathroom! put your kid in the playpen op! that's gross!
angeljewlz 7
well I do find it weird and kinda gross but still learning to be independent at 9 mo old??? I mean 2 yrs and older I understand. while I agree everyone needs to learn how to be indepent it's still just a baby. to op : try putting him/her in the crib when you gotta go. baby monitors are useful for the lil while you got to take care of business :)
mrsdoctor10 4
#38- Are you retarded?
CaRMeN415 4
that is so not true!! baby still needs mom
WtfLoser 13
xD , he's adorable < 3 But its not forever .. He's just a lil baby :)
jasper456 0
oh wow to the person that replied u sound realy stupid it's not that the baby is bond to her 24/7 it's more of the baby is oh what's the word oh yea I baby it doesn't know personly space un til it's learned and since most babys r nvr left alone (constintly being held) it's doesn't know that til later in life and realy "lock it in a room" who does that
Sarah__Louise 0
it? the baby isnt an it you bitch. god your colddddddddd. attractive.
Sarah__Louise 0
my msg was to 17 btw
irockfendergirl 0
17- I hope you never have a child. You'd probably abuse it.
MrsUchiha 0
"lock it in a room"? He/she is a child, not an animal. Babies only know what they're taught apart from natural instinct. Yeah the OP should put him/her in a playpen or crib but that's not always and option/ thought to some people. For example, my baby knows how to get out f her crib and the playpen is long gone so I sometimes have no choice but to take her in with me. Parents only get free time when the baby is sleeping or with other family, if this bother the OP that much they should've considered that before entering parenthood.
owo_fml 9
41, You need to chill. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
angeljewlz 7
at least you're honest even though my opinion of your opinion is that it's moronic and uncaring.
Sarah__Louise 0
shut up 106 no1 needs to chill, you said your opinion, we said ours k?
mrbutterz 0
really? who's the parent here. take control
smurfmafia 0
As long as you both aren't going to the washroom at the same time i see no harm.
lawlcopter 3
this is only awkward because you are a guy... ever heard of crying it out?
walkmywaynot 0
Haha sucks for you.