Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
So, even the dog can tell you're not a lady, but a tramp.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Y'all are a bunch of *******, LYING DOWN to recover?? What in the **** is wrong with you?! I mean seriously, lying down? Whenever I'm trying to recover, I do so by running across america 47 times while carrying an elephant in a forrest gump t shirt over my shoulder, and when I finish that in approximately 32.00839721 seconds flat, I bench press your mom 1 and a half times, cuz that's all I'm capble of. when I finish with that, I go deep sea diving in a sea of naked Martian women, isn't quite as nice as it sounds, I mean they have 8 vaginas each, but it's like Russian roullette as to which one will or will not tear off your penis-- not fun, trust me! But it's not too bad when you get used to it, as long as you drink long enough for them to look relatively like humans, which isn't too hard from the front, but you don't want to look from behind or you'll turn to stone. good for me though because I'm not a huge fan of anal, unless the girll is a buttterface, which land o lakes or I can't believe it ain't butter is a decent substitute for a butterface prostitute, if you're interested, I can hook you up with captain hook and his unicorn, now that's a bad ass wingman right there. Your penis will thank me!
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Comments (104)
crackerkilla 0
haha
imaginaryvoice 18
Rub his nose in your stomach and say, "Bad dog! Outside!"
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
you deserve it for having a-pen-in-ur-dicks
YANKSFAN4EVER 0
why were u on the floor?
Jessi2487 0
22 i was thinking the same. ydi op if u were in bed ur dog wouldnt have jumped on ur freshly removed appendix space.
averageirishman 0
mm I do that often, I mean lying on my back on the ground in front of the couch close enough for a dog to jump off you onto it.
kiik_fml 0
and why were you lying on the floor?
b_anhero 0
7 win. thats some pragmatic ish right there.
bishoprsv2 0
What are you, some little girl, OP? When my appendix burst, I ripped it out the excess organs and licked all the poisonous liquids. Then I stapled it shut and played extreme fist bump with my stomach. I won.
deathcab7 0
49, your bloody stories are getting old :/
william1993 0
you look like you like boys
CelloNerd 0
pleasant
mrfruits 0
fatty mc fun.
zomgbies 17
Well what in the shit are you doing laying on the ground NEXT TO THE COUCH?! Lay ON the couch. Dumbass
alastairjoseph 5
second
Melaniee_fml 0
fail.
perdix 31
So, even the dog can tell you're not a lady, but a tramp.
purplegee 2
I like what you did there, thumbs up to you.
underaegis 0
cudos
cartoonhead 0
well played sir
MetalFish 0
#67, it's "Kudos" :)
a_girl_i_know 0
lol
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for having a dog, having surgery of ANY kind for ANY reason, for having furniture in your house (wtf is wrong with you?!), and for even having an appendix in the first place, you mutant freak!
kathira120 3
is it just me or is anyone else sick of these stupid 'YDI' things? how does op deserve having their stomach jumped on after surgery? joke or not, it's stupid!
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for getting so wrapped up in something some random stranger said on the interweb.
FFML_314 12
Kathira, move along. You are not wanted here!
MetalFish 0
I see Kathira's point, most of the time they are trying to be funny but epically failing. Some are genuinely hilarious though. I can take it or leave it. Back on topic: I modded this one :D FYL OP, but don't lie on the floor when your dog is about anyway!
moon21_fml 0
quit posting these stupid "YDI" things people! It's really annoying!
MnBran6 0
you're all noobs if you don't know who trollz is.
WearingHats 14
Trollz, you're comments are way more clever than all the other wannabe "YDI" kings out there.
katey280 0
what's op? I've been trying to figure out what it is for a month now :|
bluefairy_fml 24
OP=original poster
JayBear14 11
loll at 8 ur effing crazy it cracks me up
hidingoutt7 0
well I hope your ok
shacoria 0
Dogs are horrible. They should really all be killed
colorguardgeek 8
owwww!!! m'sorry.