Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, at a party, a fly flew into my mouth. I spat it out, and in an effort to wash my mouth out, I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML
Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML
Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML
Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML
Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML
Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
wordgirl 0
This is the second time in as many days that I've heard a story of someone drinking someone else's spit cup!! At least yours was tobacco...the other person's was green lung chunks and throat slime from having the flu. Would you people PLEASE start LOOKING before you drink???? I'm really going to throw up the next time I have to imagine something like this.
inSayne 7
that chewing tobacco is a f***ing disgusting habit?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (58)
crile2322 0
copenhagen what a wad of flavor! lol
Mcnite1987 0
Lmfao man that sucks, that is really gross hahaha I'd wash my mouth with all sorts of detergent >
awhitetiger 0
that happened to me..except it was my DAD's spit cup and I was like five. And even while I was throwin up in the sink, he continued to play xbox
mutinykitty 18
That's disgusting! I've swallowed bong water before, that almost made me puke... >_
jjluv456 11
Uhhhh
BloodyMary666 24
I´m seriously making "uggghh...uggghh!!!" sounds right now and my face is a mask of horror...
Knightof5orrow 1
Your own fault for not looking before you drink. YDI
mim777 4
oh my god i think im gonna be sick just by reading that !!! poor you !!!
tatertot33 8
Ive done it before, it aint that bad
Lrigglez 7
My sister did that once with my dad's spit. I felt bad for her but we all still laughed.