Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML
Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML
Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML
Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML
Today, some friends and I had a wine tasting evening, and I tried to impress my friends by showing off my extensive knowledge of different wines. I confidently described the subtle "notes of vanilla and oak" in a bottle of wine… only to find out that my "friends" had pranked me, and it was actually grape juice. FML
Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML
Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML
Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Wearing a white shirt while wine tasting? You like to take chances :)
Cads1 24
Guess you should have swallowed that.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (64)
spacey_blueberry 18
Ah well. Sophistication is not for everyone OP :P
johnrdz3 24
Something tells me OP was at a bar, not a place for wine testing.
Mons_fml 27
you're getting there!
dca101 23
Was the wine at least good?
incoherentrmblr 22
Perhaps it was too strong for OP...
Cads1 24
Guess you should have swallowed that.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
That's what he said..
Lorenzo1102 21
Everyone acts like each individual wine is special but in reality they're thinking "let's taste a bit then swirl the wine glass a bit then compliment the wine"
splinteredApple 36
You clearly know nothing about wine.
KitchKraft 21
Spitters are quitters op
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Wearing a white shirt while wine tasting? You like to take chances :)
MrSassypants 34
You know OP is a true badass when they start eating spaghetti while wearing white.
MasterTron 24
I once ate at a red robins with a full white suit on. Did not get anything on me.
lolhailsatan 23
Who wears an all white suit to red robin
MrSassypants 34
#47 Someone who has run out of thrill of skydiving, cliff climbing, and street racing. Wearing a white suit to red robins is basically the most dangerous thing someone can do, followed by cutting lemons with a paper cut.
MasterTron 24
I had just gotten done with graduation. We had gone straight to the restaurant from the graduation site. I had not been told about this arrangement so I did not think to bring a spare outfit.
jadenjacksonm 14
live life on the edge
abNormal62 23
Sometimes spitting is not the best option
Tarlachia 33
You want some cheese with your experienced whine?
blackbeltpsycho 16
Never know, she might spit that out too.
Sabih_Meer 13
you took in more than you could take.. didn't you??