Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, at work, I tried to sneakily open a bag of chips I had hidden in my desk drawer. The bag decided to explode as soon as I tore it open, sending chips flying everywhere. My boss chose that exact moment to walk by and saw me on the floor, frantically picking up chips. FML
Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML
Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML
Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
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Top comments
mkymkm 0
cocks are funny whatever age you are :)
pogostick_fml 2
I don't understand how your life is ****** by this.
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Comments (82)
nikkers 0
lol i laughed at a winky shape made from sausage n beans t'other day! Little things like this make me smile... You win OP! raawr. i hope i never grow up
YayAmerica 0
Lol. I have an idea. Instead of moderating the comments strictly, have a Not An FML button like the You Deserve It and I Agree, Your Life is ****** buttons and just delete any comments repeating any of those things because it's redundant. No one has to read anything redundant, but the "Not an FML" fans can appease their odd compulsion. :D Lol. Make a FIRST! button too and only allow it to be clicked once. :D
wafflemonger 0
That's true, but sometimes posts get published that are neither embarrassing nor amusing, just kind of normal. And when that happens, maybe people should have a button to click to express their opinion.
waterynuggets 0
Best mental masturbation evar.
noshitsherlock 0
why the **** did this get approved? FML has gone down the drain in recent months.
noshitsherlock 0
I mean FML used to be really entertaining, but the last few months, the quality has diminished.
tigerrr 0
sometimes, people don't wanna read the 50 comments before theirs cause they don't care. get over it. i don't think this is an FML either (which is MY PERSONAL OPINION so i'm not speaking for anyone else or the site or bitching at anyone, just an opinion) but whatever. it belongs on MLIA really.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
@ #57: I was going through the FML page archive (for that competition; I almost had to click through all 527 pages) and I saw a few of the earlier FMLs from a bit ago (July-August). Some of those FMLs were so badly written or lame, so I wouldn't be complaining about the "quality" of the latest FML approvals. Sure, a lot of them leave more to be desired (such as this one, but it is my opinion, as well), but compared to the majority of submissions back in the summer and beforehand, these FMLs are not too bad.
MeganPomietlo 0
MLIA
SwayingAuto 0
That woulda made me laugh Exactly how is your life f***ed?
chuckbucketbob 0
this needs to be on MLIA ...not FML
whoismgmt 0
I think your a ******* hero.
KatieGoesRawrr 0
I agree with #39
jts2 3
As do I.
jts2 3
*sigh* I really do like to think that this site is meant for fun. Things like this, that kinda make you wanna facepalm, not, "Today, I was in a horrible car crash with my wife and three kids. They died. I didn't get a scratch. FML" But people are too ****ing bitter to make it all that fun anymore.
YayAmerica 0
Gotta say I don't really like reading all doom and gloom either. A few years ago, my husband lost his job after 7 months of unemployment. Worst day ever huh? Sure was until I came home from work to my house on fire and all of my pets dead. Who the **** wants to read that all the time? It's depressing. I don't like this FML, because it's just too average (maybe there's a site for it) but I disagree with the people who want only the most tragic stories.