Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML
Today, I learned that when you quit smoking, you get "Smoker Flu", meaning you feel like you're coming down with something really horrible. The good news is that my throat is so raw, I couldn't smoke a cigarette if I wanted to. FML
Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML
Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML
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Top comments
lazytown 0
Cold turkey helps because it's yummy. You'll be too busy eating it to smoke.
Exodium 0
Isn't the whole point of School that you ask a question when you don't know something? I'm sorry, but you sound like an idiot. What will this person learn by NOT asking questions? Regardless, they actually did say "And then I realised" so they obviously figured it out anyway.
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Comments (113)
dkhere 0
Hhaha, awesome! I would so do that.
Twi_lover_EC 6
SO WOULD I! HAH!
NeatNit 33
The thing is, if OP realized her mistake as soon as she stopped talking, she could have simply said she didn't believe cold turkey is an effective method for quitting.
QTp13 10
LOL :'D How embarrassing. How did the students around you react?
v1kt4r 13
i think their reactions are the reason for the F in the FML
OctoberRainfall 13
probably the same way i did - full on laughing attack
kitkatkelly 0
Heh, I remember thinking the same thing the first time I heard that expression. It's a pretty bizarre saying if you think about it.
b182link 0
yeah why do they makeup all these stupid phrases
Butterbuns 1
Stay in school. Clearly you need to learn a few things. Like when to shut up.
Exodium 0
Isn't the whole point of School that you ask a question when you don't know something? I'm sorry, but you sound like an idiot. What will this person learn by NOT asking questions? Regardless, they actually did say "And then I realised" so they obviously figured it out anyway.
Juliette_SHANK 0
agreed. sometimes kids dont know things bc they are too embarrassed to ask
itawebbies 8
YOU clearly need to learn a few things
sillygoosezeus 4
Idk why all the hate, I found you're comment hilarious
lazytown 0
Cold turkey helps because it's yummy. You'll be too busy eating it to smoke.
RachaelQ 0
hahahaha very clever :o)
Moo_Horse 0
but they said quit col turkey so you wont have any turkey and will then die of lung cancer shortly after from the lack of delicious turkey in your eveyday diet.
adelaz 0
..
null_fml 11
"I could quit the gym cold turkey, then eat the cold turkey!"
marz88 0
Eh..not everyone gets expressions or knows them all. That being said *yawn*
Squadoosh 0
I'm sure that was embarrassing in front of the whole student body. Simple mistake, but I'm sure they all laughed at you.
wscr 0
for the ignorant, purpose of cold turkey aims to delay the 1st stick for as loooong as possible. Usually this delay is taken a step further : "Smoke on weekends only" So one basically stays off the fags for 5 days then "TGIF!!" starts all over again. The problem is very heavy and addicted smokers will get an "outburst", meaning they can try and hold out their suppression, but come the weekend they smoke their entire week's intake over the 2 days. Which defeats the purpose. Cold turkey works better for very very light smokers, ~1-4 sticks a day. Once you're beyond the half-pack-a-day mark, then turning into a light smoker should help first, then cold turkey.
abciseasyas123 0
It's not that the OP is ignornant its that they had a momentary brain lapse that resulted in very public embarassment. It says 'and then I realized' which means she knows what cold turkey means so the interesting explanation of the term was not needed.
badbunny 0
thanks for the unnecessary lecture.
Starfire22 5
Ummm yea, wscr wasn't calling the op ignorant he was saying "for the ingnorant" as in "FYI for people who are misinformed on this site blah blah blah"
girlygirl666 0
"for the ignorant"....I'm guessing you're speaking to yourself since you are obviously "ignorant" to what this expression means. Educate yourself before you pompously misinform others.
BeeSkwaird 0
Haha, wow, wscr, you clearly have no idea what quitting cold-turkey is!
Kukironosuke 16
quiting cold turkey isnt spacing out your habbit to weekends, it means to stop something all together, with no replacements, just deciding "i wont smoke anymore" , then actually sticking with it, is cold turkey
Leetswaglordmaybe2 9
thanks, I didn't know that)
CallMeHush 1
DUH, you plaster it to your forehead and it helps keep you calm, doesn't everyone know that? And your dog will pay attention to you again.
wh4t3v3R 0
I didn't I thought you put cold turkeys over your hands like oven mits. No wonder I couldn't quit.