Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML
Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML
Today, I'm in the hospital getting prepped for a colonoscopy. Accidents happen, but the worst was right after the janitor finished cleaning the aftermath of the LAST accident. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML
Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML
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Top comments
snakerake 10
Wouldn't you have to clean it off? It could easily contaminate other things or people causing health risks.
harrystylesfan69 5
having fecal matter all over you is pretty disgusting ....regardless the job
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Comments (189)
disco2466 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
dont cry about it, its part of your job
06dopey 8
your not one to talk cuz your not in OPs position. so do us a favor and shut it
harrystylesfan69 5
having fecal matter all over you is pretty disgusting ....regardless the job
matanblum 3
I like how people try to be complicated by saying feces when they can say crap or shit, I'm so proud of my ignorance, I'm even arrogant and try to put down people who have a wider vocabulary than me.
jennawill10 10
That's really disrespectful. One day you may need a medic to save your life.
michaelscott23 7
It's not part of his job to have crap splashed all over him. It's just a disgusting, unlucky side effect.
matanblum 3
I like how the fml gods changed what I wrote
ihasbrains 10
No one complains about a toothache until they have one :)
DrMime 10
Guys don't be such paramedicks to each other. You don't know how 'hard' life can be when dealing with a bunch of 'stiffs'.
SPAIDZ 0
Not that I agree with the way disco2466 said it, but these things do come with the job. I once had a guys infected boil explode all over me on the way to the hospital. There was pus, maggots, and fruit flys in that thing. It got all over the back of the rig, we had to pullover that shit was so nasty. But u learn to laugh about those things and accept it as a very real part of the job.
Incredible_92 11
I bet you complain when the men at the docks **** in your eye, but hey, I guess that's just part of your job hmm?
Codezlol 21
Paramedics are the true unsung heroes in the medical field
deviable 9
Well generally colonoscopy bags aren't supposed to explode, so it's not exactly part of the job.
beantownEMT 6
I'm sorry, but where in my job description does it say that being covered in fecal matter was a part of my job?! I'd like to see you covered in it and still say that.
cariana 6
You suck it up and prepare for the worst.
CryMoreFMLs 15
23 - You're a sad excuse for a person then. I truely do hope I never have the misfortune of being graced by your god-awful presence.
redneckEMT21 2
93- Chester crozier burn center in PA dose that with severe burn Pts
blackheart24 10
23- you my friend, are a ******* idiot. Ignorance isn't exactly a good thing, and neither is a small vocabulary. You sound like a ******* dipshit man.
MedKits 9
93 - Good thing pus is dead tissue then, isn't it?
mizz_tonia 0
Damn that sucks really bad :/
taekwondogirl987 0
23- good for you. Nobody cares about you, you idiot
DivakiddOsz 5
He shat on you lol
Lizzy500 16
For Sevrandy: Just because the patient is alive does not mean the boil isn't full of dead tissue. Yes, you CAN have maggots on a live patient, if a portion of that patient is foul enough. Happens rather a lot, actually.
csickcman 11
Like shit it is!
krissynicoleEMT 2
It is however his job though anyone who works in ems knows your job is simply unexpectable I am a emt I know there's showers and shit in the building and always bring extra clothes
Honda288 2
Well let's coat you in shit and tell you to go "do your job". Have a heart you fuckstick.
cynicalsatireman 12
Obvious troll
ninjuh_wingman 29
Thats straight up nasty.
So2011 4
That must have been some stinky shit. You know what they say though, shit happens.
VoteForTaco 8
Omg, it's everywhere!!
Jakesterk96 8
You can even say it's a shitty situ....*gets shot in the face*.
RaggleFrock 13
Those colostomy bags get filled so big sometimes it's like Russian roulette is it full of shit or full of farts. You just lost at colostomy roulette.
fymother 13
Wouldn't that be a biohazard for your other patients??
IStoleTheCookies 16
121 I agree my brother has just had surgery and has to wear a colostomy bag temporarily. He has to empty it about 3-4 times a day and let the gas out occassionally. And when he empties it, it does really smell, mostly of egg. And it's like baby poo. So I can imagine how OP must feel. Just seeing it/smelling it isn't nice, but to be covered. Just bad luck I guess.
SkoomaKi 28
Don't you have spare clothes?
matanblum 3
No he doesn't other wise it would not be an fml
DrMime 10
Hey want to hear a funny joke?!??! You don't?!?! Well too damn bad!!! What did the paramedic say when he got covered in shit?!?!?? He said: "****! I'm covered in shit!!!" *gets beat down with tomatoes as hook pulls his battered body off stage*
KYLAisaBITCH 4
60- I think you'd be a better stick with being a Mime. The joke telling isn't your thing...
thenomad 7
I work in the medical field as well and that is exactly why I always have an extra set of scrubs with me every shift.
badass243 6
thats shitty
cinamonkoko 15
I think the correct phrase is, "shit happens."
CryMoreFMLs 15
Or maybe "Shit violently explodes"? I don't know though...
KiddNYC1O 22
You know what? I'm on redbluegreen's side on trying to boycott these puns.
redbluegreen 41
I'm flattered.
snakerake 10
Wouldn't you have to clean it off? It could easily contaminate other things or people causing health risks.
venomlash 9
Yeah, get a coworker to cover you for 15 minutes while you change into clothing not covered in potentially pathogenic fecal bacteria.
beantownEMT 6
I'm sure they did clean it off. But chances are they were too busy to be able to take a shower.
crimsonprodigy 15
A job that forces you to work covered in shit is not legal. He would definitely be able to take a shower. Like someone said if it was serious bacteria that's grounds for a lawsuit if you're forced to work still. Shower
br0ccoli 15
Lysol time
DrMime 10
Hah! On an unrelated note: if you break down paramedic in Spanish it's, para(for) me(my) dic(immature inane attempt at humor). Isn't this fun!?!
br0ccoli 15
I feel like I've seen you before iRL... Have we met?
DrMime 10
If you're really broccoli, then yes. We have. In fact we've got quite a troubled past, my mother used to force me to consume you daily.
br0ccoli 15
Why yes, I knew we've met before. Boy those winters have been tough on my growth cycle... I realize you look like the robo-mime who got into a karate fight at the Louvre in the movie Eurotrip. Nobody does the mime robot on your block! No sir!
bugmenotmofo 34
More like shower time.
niznor99 6
It's peanut butter jelly time! It's peanut butter jelly time!
meganannee 0
I feel like they would definitley let you disinfect yourself... Not like your going to be covered in shit for the next 5 hours haha. But yea f your life, that would not be pleasant
Dukekamono 5
Yay for fecal matter!
DrMime 10
Are you a toilet?
AyaFern 19
Ew, nobody deserves that..
DrMime 10
Except Benito Mussolini. He deserved it.
AyaFern 19
Okay, let me rephrase that - Nobody decent deserves that.
Honestly_Lainey 21
Hey man, everyone knows paramedics are the shiz. You save lives (;
aigroeg 0
Agreed.!
julialinn 2
Along with the rest of the people who work in the medical field.
KrayKrayGurl117 7
I Agree!!!! U medical peeps r awsum!!!