Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML
Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML
Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML
Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my slightly ditzy roommate that no, I will not grow testicles due to taking testosterone supplements. FML
Today, I looked at the supplements my boyfriend puts in the protein shakes we both drink. To my horror, most of them listed "boosts libido" or "increased fertility" as benefits. When I confronted him, he said ,"So? I drink them too, it's not like I'm drugging you or something." FML
Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML
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Top comments
Hollywoodgirl79 18
This is why we need better sex education not just "abstinence only"
JadeWinter 16
So... Your brother is a virgin then.
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Comments (62)
ohSNAPyall 27
Tell him that if you have sex with a girl who's on birth control shots you'll turn into a merman.
crunchycheeto99 11
Well now I know I'm not the only person with an idiot brother.
strike2867 13
What if he was trying to see how stupid his friends were?
PenguinBitch 44
These types of people reproduce...
ThaReaper319 19
Afraid so
thefmlman2011 37
just be glad your not like him
laden_swallow09 35
It's *you're. "You are not like them."
aubama_fml 15
hope water is thicker than blood in your case
jerryj 27
Don't you mean, ex-brother? And perhaps new brister?
CA4495 17
How do people even come up with these things?
WolfyGrace 24
Yeah, I have an idiot brother, too, and ask that same question occasionally.
ostfaiz 18
Ahh..Op leave all craps n ask for the girl who has taken pills..lol