Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my brother doesn't have a problem with "keeping it in the family". It's now up to me to explain why our cousin is pregnant with his kid. FML
Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend dumped him. I overheard my mom tell him "It could be worse. Your brother can't even get a girlfriend". FML
Today, my wife and I have been trying for kids for years and nothing, yet my deadbeat brother just ran out on his third pregnant girlfriend in a row, with no intention of meeting the baby ever. FML
Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML
Today, in front of my family, my brother's wife announced that she was pregnant with their first child. Everyone joked around and said I was next. Two weeks ago I found out that I'm sterile. FML
Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. My brother insulted her weight so many times she left in tears. Not only does he not understand why what he did was wrong, he’s genuinely livid with me for being upset with him, to the point that he damn near slugged me when I confronted him. FML
Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML
Today, I was scrolling through my phone and saw a post from my nephew's mother, my brother's girlfriend. She has a swollen eye that my brother gave her. I've been telling him for months to get his temper in control, and now he's facing possible charges, and she's utterly traumatized. I wish I could cut off relations. FML
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Top comments
ohjessica 11
Some parents are unfortunately like that.
Stoneyyay 5
actually the whole smoking during pregnant wont cause brain damage, but other health issues like asthma bronchitis, emphazema, but not brain damage., Alcohol on the other hand been proven to cause many many diferent brain anomolies in the womb and even after birth...
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Comments (45)
ohjessica 11
Some parents are unfortunately like that.
xlord 27
This FML isn't funny or anything. I actually felt a little dead inside when I read this.
sara_saturday 5
i concur xlord
BADDiam 4
I wish op was my sibling.
shannonreneee 11
My Aunty purposely smoked to keep the baby small. She's also over 40 so there's even more risks.
Rick_S 3
Shame on her for suggesting that killing the baby is better than smoking. Shame on her for being nasty about it. Good for her for caring about the health of the baby. If she really cared, she might have suggested a way that she could help the mother quit. But to suggest that the father stab the mother in the uterus, killing both baby and mother, is uncalled for, and nasty!
gchartier90 0
parents always smoked back in the day when they were prego.
zaku2capt 1
At least you tried OP to do the right thing
liggity 1
Except quiting smoking abruptly is dangerous for the baby also because they are already addicted, and offering to kill the baby and mom is kinda twisted.
daysgoby902 6
you do realize our grandparents smoked right?
kaprookie 3
I think OP was just using a rather macabre piece of sarcasm to show that what the mother was doing was wrong, I doubt OP was actually suggesting double homicide.
monnanon 14
Mine didnt smoke when she was pregnant
je_suis_fml 11
54- that would explain why our parents are so ****** up. Well... at least judging from these FMLs written about parents. *raises eyebrows*
brianjman14 23
By the way, you're DEFINITELY not "auntoftheyear." You should be "auntthatnobodylikes."
transalex 4
It's their life after all!
Vash_41288 10
Not just theirs but the baby who can't do anything about it as well!
TheDrifter 24
But that baby's not really a person yet. The day the mother can no longer legally kill it that bundle of cells will become a person. Op needs to relax and leave her anti tobacco hatemongering behind. Humans have smoked for more than a millennia and the species is doing just fine.
xlord 27
Yes we have only killed each other on an unimaginable level, polluted and destroyed the earth, have caused so many animals to go extinct and brought the song FRIDAY into the world....
TheDrifter 24
Exactly. Despite our best efforts at population control, some of my favorites being on your list, the human population keeps going up along with the average intelligence. Don't believe me? Every generation we come up with more and more effective methods of self destruction, proof Darwinism is working.
sarabellekitty 0
I agree. Mind your own.
middlekid2 5
The drifter: your a ******* isiot
Evaki 2
;) dont worry! His asking for it
Marcel4_fml 3
Some people just don't deserve the right to be a parent
FMLollie 7
Yes, like the parents of the youth rioters I'm London!
maddiester 5
no,not **** your life- **** theirs! you as a concerned aunt did your best to help.
Stoneyyay 5
actually the whole smoking during pregnant wont cause brain damage, but other health issues like asthma bronchitis, emphazema, but not brain damage., Alcohol on the other hand been proven to cause many many diferent brain anomolies in the womb and even after birth...
geeksaresexy 18
Actually smoking while pregnant restricts the oxygen supply to the baby which can cause brain damage..
artisticninja713 13
Perhaps it was something other than a cigarette as well?
Captain_Crankypa 2
The truth is that the stimulant properties of nicotine on a gestational brain causes IPSPs and EPSPs to go awry (excitation and inhibition of the neurons) in areas that govern attention/working memory. As a result, smoking while pregnant has a extremely high association with Attention Deficit Disorder ADD (in-attentive subtype). Trust me on this one...
Djlj 1
Really. So why weren't all our parents diagnoised with adha? Feed your kids veggies and walk them to school rather than over medicate. Smoking for 9mths vrs drug taking for life.
alwaysrockin711 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So what? My mom smoked while she was pregnant with me, and I turned out fine. Hell, I'm actually smarter then average.
shortperson247 4
What you just said proves otherwise...
barlessprison 16
I'd rethink that statement if I were you. *than
cc_the_beast 6
My Mum smoked till she was 5 months with me (don't be hatin, she didn't know she was preggers) they thought I'd be underweight. I was and still am quite tall for a girl, and I would like to think pretty intelligent. Not condoning it tho, my cousins kids had alot of problems from their mum smoking.
robchfra 5
Anecdotal evidence is the worst kind of evidence and doesn't mean shit. You were just lucky.
x_KL_x 7
Time to put rat poison in his cereal. That will show him.....
yomommma 6
That's not very nice.
x_KL_x 7
Well neither is laughing about smoking while pregnant. What goes around comes around.
x_KL_x 7
Well neither is laughing about smoking while pregnant. What goes around comes around.
SirBedevere 0
OP needs to understand how important cereal really is. When I was in Nam, I got my legs blown off by artillery rounds. Luckily our commander had a box of honey bunches of oats on him, and he gave it to me. Now I'm a doctor.
Hi_I_am_Q 0
HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS FLASHBACK!!!!!