Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML
Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
Today, I met my new girlfriend's teenage son for the first time. His first words were, "So you're the guy who has been banging my mom." The rest of the evening he kept asking what we have done and if his mom was good at it. She thought it was awfully funny to hear me tell her son how she was in bed. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
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Top comments
thongs4lyfe 0
omfg!!!!! I've used glow in the dark condoms before!!!!! sooooo much fun to watch go in and out! and to play wit, it's like a lite saber!!!!!!
yoshi359 0
turn the lights off!!!
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Comments (177)
lu95 16
bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahhaahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahhaahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahhaahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahhaahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahhaahhaha
austinocappucino 0
I wish my mom was like that! haha
EatYourBrains 0
If only my boyfriend's mom were her.....
dacman48 0
dude, the mother pwns
bunny911 16
COOLEST MOM EVER!!!
Fishouttawater13 0
She sounds like an awesome parent!
pun619 0
? who doesnt like glow in the dark¿ and then when your done youll both glow in the dark!
slowlybreakingme 14
This isn't an fml at all. that is TOTALLY the coolest woman on earth.
jcfan101 0
haha sounds like an awesomeeee mom !
seabrook 7
fml HER SON