Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML
Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML
Today, the girl who I had a desperate crush on in high school 25 years ago, and who would never go out with me, told me that she was actually head over heels in love with me, but was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't say yes. She's divorced now. I'm married. FML
Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML
Today, my daughter has been such a bridezilla that her fiancé actually dumped her. He treated her well, was handsome, and rich to boot, while still working at his career, yet she couldn’t calm down enough to see she was ruining her life. Now, after the breakup, she's moved back in with me. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML
Today, it appears that when in high school I made one of those "If we're unmarried at 35, we should marry each other" deals. Well, this afternoon she turned up at my house. I'm not married, but I have a pregnant girlfriend. She claimed a girlfriend doesn't count so our promise is still binding. And yes, she had the crazy eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, I bumped into the bitchy mean girl who bullied me mercilessly throughout high school, leaving deep emotional scars. When I told my boyfriend who she was, he picked her up, carried her out of the store, and threw her into a puddle. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML
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Top comments
Brukernavn 0
Note to self: Don't marry while still a horny teenager.
escualida 0
YDI for marrying someone because of a threat... grow a pair!
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Comments (269)
enigmatress 0
Tough call. Marriage vows don't say "until suicide threats or a new hottie us do part". But since the marriage is never going to last anyway, cut your losses sooner rather than later. The rest of us should take a lesson from this - don't get married for the wrong reasons. Ever.
wordgirl 0
So file for divorce. KILL two birds with one stone. Emotional blackmail is the lowest form of manipulation. She's evil, and you should leave her.
beertime36 0
Divorce now! Every single additional day with her is a waste of time.
jillz 0
Will you commit adultery? Are there children involved? If so, then her self pitying, psychotic nature must have not bothered you enough to deny her your offspring. The more children there are, the more you'll seem to be nothing more than a fair weather husband. Have you treated her worse because of your resentment for feeling trapped? We who read FML only get your ( biased ) version. No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. Divorce her so she can be free of you.
sammitysam 0
Dump her sad suicidal ass. I know it sounds cold but she has NO respect for you OR herself. F-her-L, she needs to get f@ck over it.
idesofmarch 1
Let her kill herself. If she does, you won't have to split your assets in the divorce. Then you can marry this cool chick and have all your stuff too. I envy you man.
TheSadCupcake 0
DEVURSE HER ND MARRIE MUDKIPZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````````````111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111ONE`111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111BROCOLI!!!!!!!!!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@~@#!#!
Chrisrotary12 0
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
sillyzombiekid 0
divorce her then, and ask the girl out.
gigi2009 0
get your wife into counselling, get yourself into counselling, get both of you into marriage counselling. then divorce and go for the girl