Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML
Today, things were getting heated with my boyfriend and I told him that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. Clearly he couldn't wait to get started because he fell asleep. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML
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Top comments
Zebidee 9
OK, I know views on abstinence before marriage varies, but to my mind, YDI huge. If neither of you were virgins, and you were planning on getting married, the idea that you wouldn't have sex just strikes me as bizarre, with this being one of the main reasons. It's going to be a long fifty years.
sam1984_fml 0
*you're welcome (you're welcome! :D)
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Comments (134)
boomstick 0
He doesn't sound too wonderful to me.
mare9805 2
hahaha i agree definitely
DaveOnDope 4
"You gotta pump your loins children!"
truehitman2010 0
imodderated this
katoom4 0
just think of it this way you can do it more often to get better at it. as they say practice makes perfect ;)
fizzypop14 3
f your husbands life. try before you buy man
Niki0308 0
Get a divorce!! Screw his azz!!
AntoshaChekhonte 6
Why isn't Dan Savage required reading before marriage? Seriously. Now, OP, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and I'll give you the nice Dan Savage advice he'd give so long as he's not feeling like being an asshole. So what? So you were bad on your wedding night, big ******' deal. You know what you do then? You and your husband COMMUNICATE what you like and if neither of you know what you like, you figure it out together. Mess around, **** around, and don't make vaginal sex the end all because otherwise there's just too much pressure. Play around with mutual masturbation, oral, and whatever else gets you two off (maybe some **** together or some dirty talk, whatever does it for you). And if you two find out you aren't all the sexually compatible (big shocker-- sometimes people just don't click), you compromise. If your wonderful man really is wonderful, you two will figure it out. But you have to communicate and work together. It's not up to just him and it's not up to just you. I'll say it again COUMMUNICATE TOGETHER. I'd also like to state that maybe a man so willing to blame you for his sexual dissatisfaction maybe isn't all you've built him up to be in your mind. I think you need to reassess your relationship and reconsider who you think he is. Perhaps he still is wonderful and all, but reality is reality. Good luck with your marriage, OP, and check out Dan Savage's advice column "Savage Love".
spellfire 0
Well, they communicated. He'd just told her that she's the worst he's ever had. It takes a while to recover from this bit of communication. Maybe OP doesn't want to communicate anymore. Maybe she doesn't want to hear more insults. OP, was HE the worst you've ever had? Did you enjoy it with him? If not, he better learn how to best please you, and he better beg you to let him do so. If you didn't like his performance, don't hesitate to point it out to him. Also, if he has the smallest dick you've ever seen, don't hesitate to communicate that to him, as well. Generally it takes at least the honey moon, but you've discovered what a "wonderful" man he is even quicker than that. What an ass, it's the truth they say, honesty without love is cruelty.
TheWicked 4
That is why it's completely retarded to wait until after marriage...