Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML
Today, things were getting heated with my boyfriend and I told him that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. Clearly he couldn't wait to get started because he fell asleep. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML
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Top comments
Zebidee 9
OK, I know views on abstinence before marriage varies, but to my mind, YDI huge. If neither of you were virgins, and you were planning on getting married, the idea that you wouldn't have sex just strikes me as bizarre, with this being one of the main reasons. It's going to be a long fifty years.
sam1984_fml 0
*you're welcome (you're welcome! :D)
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Comments (134)
bibbypower 0
my brother just got married too!!!!!!
bethany_camille 0
ha ha ha if your sister-in-law is very angry when she gets back from the honeymoon then she and OP might be the same person!! :)
ninjettababyd 0
Well, you deserve it for sleeping around before marriage.
Sparkiee93 3
Practice makes perfect OP. Ask him what he wants from you and do your best to perform, once you got it down he can return the favor. Good sex is rarely effortless. And why would you marry someone who you aren't sure if your compatible with sexually? I would get it if you where preserving your virginity, but you weren't, and even then it's a bad idea. You could have just made a huge mistake and ended your first marriage in divorce.
alexavb15 4
Ha Fail Be Like Thats A Warm Up Babe(: -Jerk ,
Egnar 19
I'm not going to run around saying "you deserve it" but I tell people this all the time that "want to wait" and as 2 people who aren't virgins you should know this already: Sexual Chemistry is a part of a healthy relationship. It's not about animalistic desire or using each other for your bodies or not caring about personality but the fact that sex has everything to do with our evolution and enjoying it with your significant other is an important part of a healthy relationship. 72 is right - This could in theory end your marriage down the road and it's not that your guy is "an asshole" because he wants sex but the fact that sexual desires are a basic human need that won't be fulfilled - Maybe you'll both be ok with it and work through it but the bigger chance is that you'll both be miserable as you cannot please each other in all avenues and either deal with it and end it or find other means [cheating] to fulfill them.
InBetweenDreams 0
I get what you're saying, sex is definitely important in a healthy relationship, but just because the first time was bad doesn't mean it has to always be bad. Communication is key and they can coach each other, teach each other what they like and what they don't. It shouldn't ruin a relationship if everything else is great. And the husband shouldn't have been so harsh. :/
Egnar 19
Do we really know if the husband was harsh or not? I mean come on, really - We have an author who is forced into writing a short blurb in under a paragraph which means that the OP has to paraphrase everything. Coupled with the fact that had she said "My new husband kindly detailed to me why I wasn't the best he's had and that we should work on it together" it probably wouldn't have been posted at all. If this guy is as wonderful as the OP claims I highly doubt he'd come out and just say "Ya you're terrible." Yes, communication is key and I wish them the best in finding what's right, but, this problem would have been avoided all together had they just done the deed earlier, it's not like either of them were virgins to begin with. That way had they realized that they had no sexual chemistry [after communicating] they wouldn't feel stuck together.
Sammara 0
Sexual compatibility is essential in a healthy marriage. I've read reports by psychologists/psychiatrists actually encouraging premarital sex. However, the fact that you opted to not have sex with your spouse before marriage is not what bothers me. That's a personal choice and doesn't hurt anyone else, so do what you want to. What bothers me is that he thought it was okay to say that after your first time together. Sounds like you picked a winner. If he insults your ability at such an intimate "skill" (particularly one that will almost definitely improve, on both of your parts, over time), what else will he insult you about?
mala19_fml 0
Hahaha srry
iloveboyswittats 10
She might have pleased whoever she was with in the past. Every person is different, maybe he just likes other things. Communication is key, just like it always is in these FMLs.
withasmile 3
Even if you think it, you don't say it. So much of sex takes part in the mind, things like that can damage it for years. It's hard to relax and enjoy if you're feeling judged. First times can always be a bit awkward, it takes time to learn what turns people on. And even when you know someone really well, and have had amazing sex together, sometimes it will be just ok. Anybody who thinks differently has watched way too many pornos. You need to be firm, tell him to feel free to say I really like it when you..., or do that, etc, etc, but put downs will not be tolerated.
withasmile 3
It might be helpful to do some reading on what guys like.
Sammara 0
I wouldn't call what he did "communication" as much as "jackassery." It's one thing to say, "How about we try this next time?" It's another to say "You're the worst I ever had."
HomeAl0ne 20
I'm guessing it's a simple case of miscommunication. Probably as you climbed into bed on your wedding night you muttered to yourself "I hope he has a big dick" and he misheard it as "I hope he is a big dick".
vbmg152 19
Wonderful man? He sounds like an A** hole!!