Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML
Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML
Today, the crazy bitch next door called the cops for me spying on her from my bathroom window. That window was painted shut by the previous owner, and I haven’t unsealed it yet. I had to show this to the cops to prove I have no illegal motive for pissing in my own toilet. FML
Today, I caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house, spying on my neighbors. When they refused to leave, I grabbed a baseball bat and they sped off in a hurry. Later, those same perverts came back to arrest my neighbors for drug trafficking. I had threatened cops. FML
Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
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Top comments
cocoshake 16
report him for stalking
julianbozikovic 20
Keep doing it in front of him and when the cops come he'll look like an idiot! That'll be a good laugh :D
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Comments (119)
sobstory10000 17
Do what druggies do and share your needle with him
photographer49 22
#1 Well OP is not a druggie and I think sharing needles is probably the last thing OP wants to do
drugsRfun 13
Or you should shoot some actual drugs and really show him...
pedinhuh 23
Sharing the needle! What could go wrong with that, right?
PharmacyJoe 13
Well sharing the insulin-filled needle would kill him; maybe that's what 1 was talking about?
cocoshake 16
report him for stalking
randomname98 22
If only it were that simple. I've had a creepy stalker for a neighbor for years now, but because there is "no definite proof" I can't do a thing but buy thicker curtains and keep them closed.
freckleface221 19
Yes, but he has proof!
incoherentrmblr 22
Even if he does have proof, the living room window is fair game. Now, if it were the bathroom/bed room window, then that's definitely a stalker. I can only wonder if OP's is in charge of the town watch...
Jared900DUmpling 30
I have reason to believe #73 is a livingroom window-peeper.
JayVicious 20
he does seem to know his shit when it comes to where you can peep.
oska2145 5
sue him
Shrike 24
The only lawsuit-worthy thing here is your stupid comment.
Riku714 25
apply cold water to burnt area
niallo 23
Actually, suing is an option if you want to get a restraining order. Also, you want to punish him so he'll stop. If it doesn't cost him anything, he'll keep doing it. If you sue him often enough for the same thing, you can then charge him with stalking and criminal mischief. For those thinking this is going too far, remember, this guy just tried to have OP arrested for drug use. That can involve long jail time if convicted, or a huge legal bill if not. So screw the shit.
adkim78 17
I wonder if there was a lightingcunt that came before him?
TDog3337 12
*lightning
BurleyGames 1
What a bright idea!......see what i did there
cheertrombonist 9
Thunder thunder thunder thunderCATS! That's all I could think of when reading this. Sorry though, OP whatta dick.
julianbozikovic 20
Keep doing it in front of him and when the cops come he'll look like an idiot! That'll be a good laugh :D
cheeeksss 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Although it's a hassle, I'd consider moving. If he continues to bother you and follow you, that may be sufficient enough to file a restraining order. Sounds like a potential stalker... : sorry OP.
Morning_fml 22
That's a huge waste of time and would only assume victory on the neighbour.
YourOpinionSucks 22
If I were OP, I wouldn't consider that at all, wtf? Move because his neighbor can't **** off? No, see once you call the cops, it's war. And I'm all about winning.
cheeeksss 29
Probably because I don't care about "winning." The neighbor may have justice. But I'd rather live in a place where I feel safe/not creeped on. I guess I'm different.
YourOpinionSucks 22
Different? Probably, a quitter? 100%. Neighbor wants to play hardball, then I would play. Mind you I would never resort to violence (only self defense).
Brandi_Faith 34
You're also a male though 87. And a woman having a male neighbour stalking and creeping her is a little bit different in my opinion.
PSYqualiac 17
The best bet is a restraining order. Take photos showing the only way he could have seen the injection is by stalking and he will be forced to stop. If the restraining order is approved, it would force the neighbor to move by law as he can't be within (usually) a minimum of 100 feet of you.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
He shouldn't have to move just because his neighbor wants to be an asshole. Moving would actually make him look like a pussy who can't stand up for himself.
Puffpie 24
Confront him about spying!
BlondePsycho 43
You should set up a trap around your windows for the next time he "catches you taking drugs" i used vaseline and broken pottery around my windows.
clemsi 20
I can not for the life of me figure out what kind of trap thst would make. Whatever it is, it sounds crafty.
interesting33 37
If someone is clutching the windowsill I would imagine the vaseline makes it hard to hold on or easier to slip, the broken pottery would either make a noise when stepped on or cut the intruder?
BlondePsycho 43
Thats about the gist of it. But you can get more creative with it
rebelbelle 17
you realize though that if the neighbor were to fall or get hurt. They could sue the OP
xoteeshaox 22
I understand your point, however we have laws about our pools (in Australia) that if a kid jumped the fence into your yard and drowned in your pool because you didnt have a fence (despite not having children), they would not get done for trespassing.
Rawrshi 25
"Jumped the fence" then drowned because you "didn't have a fence" ??? If someone else's child is so horribly parented that they think it's okay to jump your fence do you really think they'll get to the probably much smaller/same sized pool fence and be like "well, shit. I can't get over this one!" ? That doesn't even make sense. It isn't your job to make sure your property is safe for other people - especially if they come to your property against your will. That's like if someone steals your car and gets into an accident that they demand you pay their medical bills.
Gaernem 17
Actually there are cases, in America at least, where people have gotten hurt on other people's property and were able to sue them. Even when they were burglars/intruders. One of our governors said that if you catch an intruder in your home don't let them leave until cops arrive or kill them, because if they get out and were hurt they are allowed to sue.
BlondePsycho 43
Um i know it varies state to state, and probably depend on the details, like if the intended victim is a child, elderly, or even a healthy woman with an assault rifle under her bed, then if its a man being robbed. I know in florida a woman was lauded when her pitbull mauled a guy breaking into her house.
interesting33 37
Kill them? As an alternative to letting them leave? It seems very extreme to me to kill them if you don't need to.
lexa1love 16
I think people are saying kill them to avoid the risk of being sued. There's been cases of people getting charged for being threatening when holding a burglar at gunpoint in their own home. Dead men tell no tales, so if you killed them and said it was self defense... I think it depends on the individual if they'd think that way or not.
Calingaladha 21
Is that you, Kevin McCallister?
interesting33 37
Wow - that sounds like a messed up system if people kill to avoid a court case.
BlondePsycho 43
Some people will do anything not to pay a lawyer.
tdawg91 17
#63, the pool gate is a law over here (a stupid one) no matter if you have a fence for your yard, you still need to have a fence around your pool too. Yep, you could get done if some drunk idiot broke in to your yard, fell in and drowned..... It's pathetic
JayVicious 20
ha id say its pathetic #94 getting sued because natural selection happened on your property. sad days we livin in.
ihartmytdi 23
Go out and purchase some baking soda and small plastic bags. Then leave out 4 or 5 bags of the stuff on your living room table, next to a small smudged mirror and rolled up bill. Maybe even a spoon and lighter too. If he thinks you're into drugs, at least be impressive
DARKDAY07 16
you are my fml hero.......jk but that was funny as hell
flopstar 21
Call him out & close the curtains so people don't look in.