Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML
Today, things were getting heated with my boyfriend and I told him that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. Clearly he couldn't wait to get started because he fell asleep. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML
Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML
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Top comments
Zebidee 9
OK, I know views on abstinence before marriage varies, but to my mind, YDI huge. If neither of you were virgins, and you were planning on getting married, the idea that you wouldn't have sex just strikes me as bizarre, with this being one of the main reasons. It's going to be a long fifty years.
sam1984_fml 0
*you're welcome (you're welcome! :D)
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Comments (134)
mrjude 3
The first time can almost always be awkward between two people. You'll both learn what the other likes in time, and then perhaps you can be the best.
ROFLBERRYPIE 0
Should have been practicing. YDI
ryno2004 1
you don't buy a car from a dealership without a test drive...why would you marry someone without a test drive??? you both deserve it...
demonkey_fml 4
He sounds like a bit of a sociopath. He's obviously worried that his performance didn't measure up too and trying to take you out of the complainer sweepstakes early. Anyway, what kind of guy SAYS that to a woman on their HONEYMOON, though? Start hiding your bank accounts and tucking away extra cash. This marriage won't last. It seems to me that he's starting this "You're bad in bed" routine as a future justification for cheating and an open marriage. Get out before you have kids. There are much nicer and more caring men in the world. Dude has major problems if he's being a dick this early.
princess_patches 2
aww thats not nice :( he should love EVERYTHING about you and maybe he should help you get better not put you down
only1onyx 0
thats what test drives are for. sorry op.
lissalove17 8
Well you're not supposed to just lay there like a dead fish. Get into it and do something. He may like it better.
goldieglock 5
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I think I just peed a little. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
wtfimnotgay 0
Everyone thinks its the boyfriends fault. For all you know he could have been awesome in bed. Op could have been failing. If shes the worst its not boyfriends fault. YDI badly
kmarrs 2
Ok, well, you have the rest of your lives to learn what he likes and to get better in bed with him.