NSFW: Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to...

Anonymous 31 May 2011, 11:21 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

209 comments

Collection

Fall

Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.

Same thing different taste

MyHeadHurts 20 January 2012, 10:42 Ireland 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

221 comments

Anonymous 25 April 2022, 00:01 🌶️ Spicy

Take it easy on yourself

Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML

9 comments

Lonely 2 January 2010, 10:30 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

66 comments

Colton 20 December 2011, 02:29 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

183 comments

Anonymous 12 March 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Rubbing it in

Today, since splitting up with my girlfriend, I’ve watched so much porn I think I’ve given myself a friction burn on my clit, so now not only does it hurt to even walk normally, it’s way too painful to masturbate, so I’m now horny all the frigging time. FML

2 comments

exhausted without relief 8 February 2023, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

Bang one out

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

4 comments

Anonymous 6 July 2019, 00:30 🌶️ Spicy

Can't be bothered

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

7 comments

Anonymous 4 August 2010, 10:24 United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

237 comments

RyanM 13 February 2011, 09:01 Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

219 comments

testacular 25 March 2014, 21:20 Plymouth, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Bad ********

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

87 comments

Tadeusz_fml 5

31 May 2011, 15:48

Get a hobby. Get help. Go do it now. Also, how did you sunburn your area or the palm of your hands?

DalPozzo13 10

31 May 2011, 15:49

Get a girlfriend, that will solve your problem

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Comments (209)

laliique_31 0

31 May 2011, 17:18

well, wow! how niice! tell someone to help you! :D

legitney 0

31 May 2011, 17:25

... no comment.

CloudEnvy 17

31 May 2011, 17:56

Liar.

I'madumbass 19

3 December 2017, 06:27

No, he's commenting on his inability to comment on this FML. The FML comments section is really just where people judge/give advice to OP and there have been plenty of debates. I think announcing your inability to comment is just fine.

toxicmurder109 4

31 May 2011, 17:27

y is ur dick sunburned??

goshpeople 4

31 May 2011, 17:35

Before I got the FML app and started reading this website more often, I had no idea that comments were so often deleted by mods. Sometimes it says "Comment moderated", but other times they're just inexplicably gone. Don't you guys get tired of comments disappearing? I'm curious to know what's been said!