Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
MyHeadHurts
Ireland 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Take it easy on yourself
Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML
Lonely
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML
Colton
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Rubbing it in
Today, since splitting up with my girlfriend, I’ve watched so much porn I think I’ve given myself a friction burn on my clit, so now not only does it hurt to even walk normally, it’s way too painful to masturbate, so I’m now horny all the frigging time. FML
exhausted without relief
🌶️ Spicy
Bang one out
Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Can't be bothered
Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML
RyanM
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML
testacular
Plymouth, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Bad ********
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Top comments
Tadeusz_fml 5
Get a hobby. Get help. Go do it now. Also, how did you sunburn your area or the palm of your hands?
DalPozzo13 10
Get a girlfriend, that will solve your problem
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Comments (209)
beaverbeast 0
Use aloe as lube?
kwintalamillah 6
sad
ScuseMePrincess 2
YDI for sitting outside in the sun with your dick flopping out.
zojieeu 6
you made my day dude
CherryBombb 0
I love how you used the term 'flopping out'. haha(; made me day:D
lis54 1
haha yeah flopping out lol
ryancrites 0
only BALLERS tan with there dick "flopping out".
DalPozzo13 10
Could've been poking out
luvppl 6
lol he was probably masturbating in the sun ;)
iAmScrubs 19
Why are your genitals sunburned?
whiteboy7thst 2
I'm guessing that someone enjoys streaking...
aussie_gemini 5
must of been one hell of a long streak to be so burnt that masturbation is not a option
ebroski6 0
maybe he got drunk with a bunch of friends?
Shristen 0
Maybe he's a nudist.
fromthesuck 8
don't know about you 200 but I'd have some questions for my friends
WoGxFALLEN 0
or maybe his arms are sunburned and it hurts to move them
chupacabra141 9
I'm with 276, I'm pretty sure his arms or shoulders were too burnt to jack off
beaverbeast 0
omg you posted that right b4 me lol
OrgasmicBunnies 9
learn to ride a unicycle
theUBERcomment 1
that would hurt if he fell
CitrusGirl 0
You seriously have nothing better to do than that? Get a damn hobby! Video games, puzzles, gardening, fishing- seriously, there are things to do.
Squeaky_Tomato 14
Agreed! Maybe learn to cook (future SO will be thankful). Join a book club, dance group, etc to meet friends.
SAGARCo 19
I think what he's saying is it hurts too much to even do that, so he has nothing to do.
Meaningless 1
Awww you poor baby. |:
CallMeHush 1
Happy Holiday!
HyundaiOwner7 0
Remove your floating ribs and you will be able to blow yourself... And no, I do not know this from experience.
Mittle 0
Marilyn manson does
tencalories 3
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wow
HyundaiOwner7 0
48, yes!!!