Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML
Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML
Today, I borrowed a friend's suitcase for a trip. At the airport, security pulled me aside because there was a small metal object inside. I opened the suitcase expecting something suspicious and found a potato peeler. My friend had used the suitcase for groceries the week before. FML
Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML
Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML
Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML
Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML
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Top comments
DDpandaz 0
Giggity
Analtality 4
Imagine what they did if they confiscated it.
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Comments (130)
N3766 20
Are they find the whip?
peepeeparee 0
No speeka english...?
N3766 20
actually I don't.
shift_love 13
Your from Australia...isn't English the main language down (under) there?
JustinComments 3
97 - I was about to like your comment until that joke.
N3766 20
No, we speak Australian and no, it's my fifth language :'(
False_Stupidity 42
Yes but in the part of Sydney he is in, I'd be surprise if anyone speaks English. Yay for multiculturalism...
robertlovespi 3
Just pray they don't find the whip or gag hidden in your luggage. ;)
abbybailey204 19
It's none of their business what u guys do in ur free time. Continue having fun op!
KiddNYC1O 22
Did they take you away in those?
KiddNYC1O 22
You forgot a comma and a period, good sir.
Enslaved 38
Touché Pussy Cat!
leadman1989 16
I'm imagining your cat saying that in a suave French accent.
MZPONY 7
You obviously haven't spent much time on FML then. 70% of its users like to read correct, punctual, and intelligent comments. I think people refer to them as "grammar nazis."
Shrike 24
Almo, you're the one coming back to argue with people you don't even know, which makes you just as much of a loser as well as an illiterate ****.
elephants17 7
Why do people argue on here about silly things.
elephants17 7
Thelsland: making*
_Oblivion_ 12
On FML, you are expected to act like and spell like an adult. Too bad if you can't spell; learn to spell or do not comment. It's that simple
Torva_fml 16
Shut up almo, it's America! Of coarse they use your own handcuffs.... *dumbass*
_Oblivion_ 12
Almo where did you go? LOL oh wait you're burried.
eli_oo 1
TheIsland: Weeeeeell actually, English started as Old English/Anglo-Saxon, and then suddenly acquired a massive number French words (and lost OE words) after the Norman Conquest. Resemblance to any other Romance language is almost always through French, and occasionally Latin. English never borrowed extensively from Spanish, Portuguese or German.
Jaxx66 21
Since everyone else is at it.... Torva, it's 'Course' ;)
Strafeh 9
FTW
SummerFever 8
No.
KiddNYC1O 22
No, not really.
DocBastard 40
Customs officer: Do you have anything to declare? OP: Yeah, my boyfriend's a pervert. Customs officer: Anything else? OP: He's also an idiot.
saIty 17
I see by your name you don't think you're kinky anyway. Well a couple of wrestling masks, mayonnaise, mustard, along with your handcuffs will change that.
oh_your_god 15
Mustard?! Now let's don't be silly...
Enslaved 38
78, I loved your hidden joke and just want to wish you a very Merry un-Birthday. And say today, it is my un-birthday too! Lol
chouter21 10
Woah!! That's very homosexual! Lol
DocBastard 40
Is it? Please explain how.
sunrise1234 3
Is this for the right FML? And if it is, I agree with the Doc; please explain.
rattusrattus 19
They're a time-traveller from the 1950s.
flockz 20
those damn homosexuals with their damn handcuffs. guess i'm just going to have to return the handcuffs that i just bought dammit.
erinrenee1137 0
Hahaha!