Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML
Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML
Today, I borrowed a friend's suitcase for a trip. At the airport, security pulled me aside because there was a small metal object inside. I opened the suitcase expecting something suspicious and found a potato peeler. My friend had used the suitcase for groceries the week before. FML
Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML
Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML
Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML
Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML
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Top comments
DDpandaz 0
Giggity
Analtality 4
Imagine what they did if they confiscated it.
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Comments (130)
mattorama 15
China is a much more conservative place than most of the western world, sexually speaking. They probably didn't even consider that they were for your S&M games and thought you were law enforcement or something.
mserrato 8
I'm sure that's not the only thing they found
N3766 20
no. not at all as english is my fifth language
OfficeNinja 5
Did they put you two in finger traps?
larrythedeer 6
Just stop talking... You are making yourself look even more retarded.
d0j0man 3
Oooo! Gang bang?
poo12face 0
The exact same thing happened to me yesterday
Savra_fml 17
WTF? I have turned your question in my mind every which way possible and I still can't understand what you mean. Can you rephrase?
Demonessa 0
DONT FORGET THE FLOGGER AND WHIPPED CREAM!!!! oh baby;)
MilkShakez 0
Could this have possibly been a very clever joke alluding to how american tsa "gate rape" people ;)