Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML
Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, I used the last of the toilet paper to blow my nose while taking a dump. FML
Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML
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Top comments
singer0421 32
Why eat it in the first place if it was questionable?
Thatissarcastic 17
Gas station food. Not even once.
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Comments (80)
singer0421 32
Why eat it in the first place if it was questionable?
sadistmonkey 19
Sometimes a food's questionability is exceeded by a person's hunger?
MrSassypants 34
I agree with #13 100%. Like for instance, when I eat Taco Bell. Is it good for me? No. Does it benefit me in any way? No. Am I going to regret it later? While eating it am I going to question my life choices? Yes. Am I still going to eat it? Of course, while drinking baja blast because hunger and thirst.
hellnosucka 27
Maybe it was mysterious and seductive. it's all for the thrill.
Thatissarcastic 17
food poisoning sure is seductive and mysterious
GigaPudding_fml 24
Well to be honest it does make you hot and you never really know when it's coming, which could be considered mysterious ;)
thawny_fml 21
I am reading this from my very own throne or torture. Damn you left over spaghetti bolognese.
KelseyDaBoyz 21
I'm sorry OP :(
LilMissCanadian 22
... are you actually?
TheLynx_fml 20
How does this have negative votes
DogeDogeDoge 13
It's a pointless comment. Plus.. You really can't be sincerely sorry through the Internet.
KelseyDaBoyz 21
I am actually! Who would wish "that" upon anyone? C'mon now.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
Just because you didn't wish it on them doesn't mean you're sorry. I wouldn't wish such things on people but I'm certainly not "sorry" if it happens. It sucks, and while I can agree it's pretty crappy it's not the end of the world just a mild FML moment.
Hildy93 21
There's a button for that. It's called "I agree, your life sucks"
darksilence17 10
I'm the first commenter! Oh Yea and go buy more tolit paper
Garrett2818 21
First commenter to look silly maybe
natheitz 23
Maybe next time
friday9733 11
But probably not.
FuckThisLogin 32
That's shitty :(
davidpropert 32
No
FuckThisLogin 32
Sry
xLeeLee 9
You're a ******* idiot.
FuckThisLogin 32
Well that was a tad unnecessary...
ShittyShitu 4
Well that's shitty.
davidpropert 32
NOO
RickySleeves 20
Why do people keep trying this? It's never going to work!
fmlperson8264 16
OMG JUST STOP IT WITH THE SHITTY PUNS!!!! THEY'RE NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!
Scotth901 22
Lol
tantanpanda 26
Were they ever funny?
Awesomeironman2 15
Nah, they've always been shitty.
IridianShadow 20
You sure are a dare devil, aren't you?
RickySleeves 20
Pork souvlaki is always worth it.
cornyrob 33
I prefer beef & lamb souvlaki
TheNewGuy03 29
Out of all souvlaki, lamb is the best to me. I prefer gyros, though. I miss that Santorini air, and asking vendors, "ένας γύρος, παρακαλώ! (one gyros, please!)"
MtnDew420 8
I hope you used febreeze in there
cole66 14
is that your mini in your profile pic?
ohSNAPyall 27
Try private messaging, yo
cole66 14
why does it matter? can a man not ask a question without getting beat to the ground?
Dynosaur_dollie 38
Yes you can ask a question without getting "beat to the ground", over private messaging. That's why it exists.
cole66 14
sorry for being a demon for waisting your eyes
tantanpanda 26
^You need to find a new English teacher because they are not doing you justice.
pphead 5
Mmmmmmmmmm souvlaki