Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I lost a bet with friends and now have to sit and watch all the Twilight movies. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML
Today, I realized I'd lost my wallet when paying for groceries. I had to put all the items back and leave the store feeling so embarrassed in front of everyone. FML
Today, I walked two miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier… only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager, and everyone in line behind me. I walked two miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML
Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy my weekly groceries and only realized after a long queue at the checkout, then having the cashier scan my entire cart, that I'd forgotten my purse. I had to leave everything behind and walk out empty-handed, while everyone in line behind me gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML
Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML
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Top comments
JennNoVa 8
I would have made you buy a tube of K.Y. Jelly too. Be grateful.
iOceanus 18
She will obviously be make a salad to eat while reading.
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Comments (170)
akallaan 7
What are you gonna do with that cucumber? ;)
iOceanus 18
She will obviously be make a salad to eat while reading.
Pleonasm 36
Toss the (cucumber) salad? Flick the Pickle? Cu-cum? Possibilities are endless. This is going to turn into fifty shades of green and pink.
Big_Money_27 7
Start a cucumber farm duh
sig4life 18
I would log with toss the Cucumber salad. I would've loved to be there in person and seen this. I feel a bet coming on with my friends.
jarrettd 27
Be worse if op was man.
Keevarou 17
44, why would it be worse? :P
MrBrightside21 20
47 - Because fifty shades of green and brown is frowned upon in today's society.
XxDevilxXGt 26
You mean the filthy shades
JasonEP 3
Turn it into a pickle...
EnterSandman_fml 20
Never mind cucumbers, should've gotten kielbasa. Then you could've winked at the cashier and said, "Kielbasa doggy style."
capslockisgood 19
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform!
FuckYouScience12 8
i read that book every night with my handy pickle :)
TourettesGuyFTW 26
She's going to do a disappearing trick with it. Now you see it...now you don't.. Now you see it...now you don't ! (repeat)
awaydoggy 8
125, you are a genius ，you do the same trick ?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
No...I'm the cucumber.
yoyoforpeace 14
Maybe OP is going to relax and put on a face mask with cucumbers on her eyes before she reads?
Star_Fishie 12
I feel like more people should have gotten the Tenacious D reference! It's a sad day.
Masift 21
yeah because you can totally do that with one cucumber.....
Keevarou 17
I see nothing wrong with that to be honest, at least she were not disgusted about it? Some people like fifty shades of grey and finds it sexually stimulating just reading it. And a laugh can work wonders on some moods, so it's practically a win-win. You can ways give away the book to someone who likes it
MissEmma_fml 22
Why so serious?
Keevarou 17
Me serious? Almost never :P
SirCharles83 13
Keevarou is a glass half full type of guy.
MissEmma_fml 22
My point was that he didn't really need to analyse the whole FML. But whatever floats your boat I guess.
Keevarou 17
We intercept FML's differently, and that is good :p
Shrike 24
Optimism's good. Fake "look at me, I'm so laid-back" optimism, not so much.
pipinya 8
56 - I hate to be that guy, but Interpret** To intercept is to disturb halfway or intervene
Keevarou 17
Thank you 59, no wonder it looked wrong I tried interept first, then the iPhone suggested intercept, which still looked wrong. And sorry if I seem that way 58, but that is just how I am. One of the last things I am, is a poser
HarmDis 3
But it's still a thing you are?
Keevarou 17
66, who's what?
culito_fml 10
Give away the book, keep the cucumber haha
Slammer2012 8
Damn ain't that a bitch
gc327072 31
...somebody doin somethin sliiick.
Lionesse 15
How is it a bitch #3? That's a hilarious bet. I mean, it's really not that bad. I have gone through worse ones.. But I give props to the cashier for not exploding into laughter. I lack composure and probably would of cracked up.
Slammer2012 8
I meant it could be a variety of reasons that's why
wowlolreally 12
When you leave say your dropping it off at the cashiers moms house
mb2_native 15
4, read your name, and that is what I thought reading your comment..
MisterEx 28
Minus the lol, and the wow.
isallwaysme 27
you're*
RpiesSPIES 27
#110 He used the correct form. Quite a fail you've performed.
Peacelove0404 26
113 - 110 was responding to 4's comment, which should say "you're" instead of "your". 110 was correct, unlike yourself. Quite a fail you've performed.
PincessBoff 6
#113 Apply cold water to burned area.
zango1 15
115 - your was the correct form unless you think 10 was trying to say 'you are' comment.
malkavian_mad 13
136- Read the comment from 115.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
My pits would've been 50 shades of grey. Try and rid yourself of the text before shame clogs your sinuses!
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Yeah- now that I've read this again, I see the immense mockery that should be made of my comment. Apologies.
JennNoVa 8
I would have made you buy a tube of K.Y. Jelly too. Be grateful.
zombieslayer83 19
And a potato Peeler to customize the cucumber.
daminantion 14
Like 69, your welcome.
drewflav 17
And a box of condoms ;)
zombieslayer83 19
And some ranch dressing.
madgrinchhatter 12
And Tylenol PM
GothickNihilist 15
And some duct tape.
PantyGAMES 10
And a rope
KociaQ 30
No jelly, no lube. After all, it -is- the 50 shades of Grey :D
japtap81 16
Fluffy pink handcuffs!
gxwyz 2
Should be grateful they didn't make you use it
zombieslayer83 19
#108, or did they?
LarryLaDouche 13
**** the ranch, jelly, lube, and vinegar... WE GOING IN DRYYYY
ramey_aka_stud 6
Sounds like a great way to spend a Friday night!!
DntLookBack 29
You should have winked at her and asked if she wanted to join ;)
perdix 31
#8, cucumbers are double-ended the last time I looked ;)
LarryLaDouche 13
ASS TO ASS!
tonnie_soms 5
Your friends are unique. :) 50 shades of grey, 1 shade of green. Have fun.
Gremlinswife 13
And probably 10 shades of red from embarrassment LOL
SwordMeow 4
What was the bet?
User57777 13
Does it matter? The point of the FML was that she lost & had to do this.