Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my crush won the bet that I made with him yesterday. The bet? That he couldn't land a date by the end of the day. Not only am I down $10, but a possible boyfriend too. FML
Today, I told a guy that I only see him as a friend. He ordered separate checks because, “I’m not giving boyfriend benefits to a girl who won’t make me one.” I hadn’t brought my card because he always pays for my meal. The restaurant held my phone as collateral until I Ubered 10 miles away to get my card. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a restaurant so I could apply for a job, and we decided to eat there. After we finished, I went to start the car. When we got home, I asked him how much the bill came to. Apparently he didn't pay. I had already given them my completed application. FML
Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML
Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML
Today, my cute coworker begged me to cover his shift tomorrow, and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner to make up for it. I was very excited because I've been crushing on him for a long time. I later overheard him tell his friend that he didn't plan on showing up for our dinner. FML
Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML
Today, I went out to eat with a friend. I was supposed to be paying, but when I tried to, there wasn't enough money in my bank account. She didn't have money with her either. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML
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Top comments
TryToBeKind 0
I'm sorry but that's funny. You can still convince her you're not gay, though, and just tell her he was kidding around. At least it'll be a conversation starter.
thehazeman 0
at least you got some free food
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Comments (61)
thehazeman 0
at least you got some free food
MeanBeagle 22
he paid for that one.
MeanBeagle 22
i would have immediately ordered dessert
MeanBeagle 22
she will feel 100% comfortable changing in front of you now.
MeanBeagle 22
Omfg how do you get the take it to heart badge!
MeanBeagle 22
there should be a hide and seek game where someone hits random. leaves a comment and everyone tries to find it. first one that does wins a million dollars.
lemonkid44 0
haha just say "ok jokester" or some shit. just play it off. its not that bad at all
danielr1219 0
today while working a shift at my resteraunt, this guy i really like came in, but it turns out hes gay. FML
DigitalFusion 4
Nobody under 50 says jokester. If op is over 50 and still trying to pick up waitresses fhl.
TryToBeKind 0
I'm sorry but that's funny. You can still convince her you're not gay, though, and just tell her he was kidding around. At least it'll be a conversation starter.
captcool024 0
i do that all the time.. please give your friend a high five for the perfect situation though. haha..
mechwarrior 0
I would have gone along with the joke. No sense in letting a good joke die young.
necomni 0
Nice! I'd high-five your buddy. ;D
Gio_fml 6
IT'S CAPTAAAAAIN COCKBLOCKERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
may_cause_fail 0
XD I love your friend. :D
Lanni 0
LMAO sooo great
91Caleb 0
your friend is a genious, thats quick