Today, I woke up with a boner and found out that I have retrograde ejaculation. I'm stuck in jail and can't get medication to fix this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML
Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, I fucked up by jacking off. I have trouble getting "in the mood" due to medication and other things, so when I do I'm excited to enjoy myself, though it often takes a while and a lot of physical effort to get there. However, in the process of getting off today, I threw out my back and my hip. I'm only 29. FML
Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML
Today, I have erectile dysfunction but have also recently gotten a girlfriend. She is very understanding but I decided to try Viagra to get things going. I had the rare reaction of a boner lasting hours that put me in hospital. I can’t win, it’s either no boner at all or a boner that tries to kill itself. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
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Top comments
xxlk4xx 6
just curious as to how you're posting this from jail?! but sorry for your situation!
vampireincubi 3
Retrograde ejaculation occurs when semen enters the bladder instead of emerging through the penis during ******. Although you still reach sexual climax, you might ejaculate very little or no semen. I dont see this as an issue... unless you were hoping to give a fellow inmate a pearl necklace
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Comments (9)
xxlk4xx 6
just curious as to how you're posting this from jail?! but sorry for your situation!
kujiens101 24
These are normal posted months after it happened to the person
Bogrbon 27
Yeah, if you're in jail, you probably shouldn't be having any kids right now regardless. And if you're in jail, generally you kind of deserved to be there. (I don't see you disputing that). YDI.
Hempseed 27
Well he can't dispute it, can he? He's in prison. Also, how can you make a judgement like that - that someone deserves to be in prison when you have no prior knowledge of the severity of the crime. I hope you're never arrested; your opinion would shift 180 degrees real quick. Or perhaps you'd be of the opinion that you deserve your sentence, regardless of the severity of the crime at hand.
raven_of_azarath 35
Innocent people get arrested, too, you know. It’s actually a huge issue with our system.
KingAdrock 16
I believe the point is that retrograde ejaculation isn't really a problem if you're in jail. I mean, unless you were really hoping to give another prisoner a facial or something...
RichardPencil 32
Maybe after helping other dudes with their boners, they'll return the favor.
BatCatTaco 13
Ha!!!
vampireincubi 3
Retrograde ejaculation occurs when semen enters the bladder instead of emerging through the penis during ******. Although you still reach sexual climax, you might ejaculate very little or no semen. I dont see this as an issue... unless you were hoping to give a fellow inmate a pearl necklace
kfchicken 31
masturbating is thing too
vampireincubi 3
say what? bro, do you even English? lol
Dr_Alex 10
Great. Now I have to Google "retrograde ejaculation" as if I don't have anything else to do. Thanks sooo much.
RichardPencil 32
You don't have to look up anything. After my curiosity has burned me many times, I've undertaken a policy of Purposeful Ignorance. I'm a lesser person because I know what an Alabama Hot Pocket is.
vampireincubi 3
Retrograde ejaculation occurs when semen enters the bladder instead of emerging through the penis during ******. Although you still reach sexual climax, you might ejaculate very little or no semen.
kfchicken 31
you shouldn't have any issues with that for at least the month, hopefully by then you'll have gotten some help
BurnInDemonFire 39
So not only did your willingness to commit a crime backfire, but now your mini-you is also backfiring? There's a word for this...