Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML
Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
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Top comments
notsocommonsense 1
well at least you learned to use a smaller coin next time you decide to be an idiot
Ajjas013 6
That's RICH HAHAHAHA. I know, I fail :(
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Comments (195)
LordArion201 0
ydi for bein a ****** retard
HolyWater 0
ur bowels shoud have been able to streach wide enough to poop out that quarter
xxXChiiXxx 2
HEY! The FML doesn't start with "Today!" XD
jctankk 0
yeah it does read it
candy1 0
hahaha this is gross
corambis 13
Did the doctor tell you to watch out for any change in your bowel movements?
maskedman 9
this is a win comment.
mandy_Reeves 0
a friends dog pooped a 20$ bill once....
emx13 0
the fml does start with today stupid :p
J0yce 0
Hey on the bright side your life is worth 25 cents more!
akramadam 0
this idiot is clearly lying. how the hell would you get a metal of that size through you GI tract? if you really did manage to swallow it, pooping it out would be least of your qorries
maskedman 9
Next time someone asks you to swallow $.25 a quarter might seem easy, but you're probably better off swallowing a dime, two nickels, and five pennies.
castle_grayskull 0
Why not just 2 dimes and a nickel? Less to swallow o.O