Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML
Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
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Top comments
notsocommonsense 1
well at least you learned to use a smaller coin next time you decide to be an idiot
Ajjas013 6
That's RICH HAHAHAHA. I know, I fail :(
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Comments (195)
CallMeHush 1
Please report to your local sterilization center for your immediate gene pool enhancement procedure.
deng314 0
hahaha, I love it!!!!
cypherzzz 0
he definetly should
Ajjas013 6
Hooker money is very dirty. It costs a lot to fist. And maybe... Just maybe, you fist with your manhands someting painful. And according to Newton's third law of action and reaction, you should face an equal pain/punishment. Accordingly, the hooker shoved her payment down your throat and knocked you out with the memory of playing truth or dare. The Moral? Don't beat around the bush.
polo1996 0
lol good one
Extacy23 0
@deng314- my sister has the same tattoo
sum1savemeh 0
i think I may possibly love you ajjas. win!
PsychoMerk 0
why not a dime? >_>
Raindown_fml 0
that's an episode on house
underpaid011 0
dumb shit.
Lov3r 0
I agree this was stupid to do
kukri187 12
Are you five?
foodlover123 0
you know you are a DUMBASS you could have at least ate a dollar bill instead of a coin it would be much easier to poop out
meunknown101 0
What the... HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO SWALLON A ******* QUARTER?!?!
karinerz 0
How do you even swallow a quarter? If I tried to even swallow a nickle, I'd probably choke on it. I wouldn't do that dare even if I was payed $50 for it.
xHabsfanx 0
Ok how about a $100, would you do it then?
PsychoMerk 0
Ooh Ooh!!! I would! pick me!!! :D
delaney16 0
who would eat a quarter???? p.s. epic fail!!!
afatmonkey 0
Hey. At least it wasn't a *****. That would have been worse. Unless OP likes that kind of thing.....
drewrox 0
if he ate a ***** he would be in a ton of pain. but ******** it out would be like ******** out a hard ass turd I guess
KamilleBlack 3
YDI. Money is so ******* dirty it isn't even funny! U shouldn't be eating that shit! Ur lucky it got stuck in ur ass! What if it got stuck in ur intestines or something? Or worse! What if u choked on it?
afatmonkey 0
Then he would probably die.
marathdamane91 2
it's actually very hard to choke on a quarter. there small enough to get through 5 year olds throats most of the time so they wil easily fit through a grown persons throat
drewrox 0
just imagine that quarter cold have been on the ground. in a porta crapper, under someones sweaty ass armpits, under someones boobs, under/ in someones crotch, In their ass. anywhere and he just swallowed something that could have been in all of those areas.
Foxracingluver 0
hahahah omg funny as hell!!! hehe made my day!!!...... u shouldve swallowed a penny.. they're much more easier to shit out
afatmonkey 0
I know from personal experiance that pennies are the worst. The copper gets stuck in your skin and makes your anus bleed. So overall it is not a good experiance.