Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and my boyfriend was playing a video game in the living room. I started dancing in front of the T.V. with only my panties on, to which he responded, "You're every gamer's nightmare." FML
Today, after a long and stressful week, all I wanted was some time to myself with a few beers and a good video game. My girlfriend apparently disliked this, because she started blasting Cardi B, ran the vacuum behind me, and poured my beer down the sink when I used the bathroom. FML
Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
moop256 10
Your wife sounds awesome
upyourzlolz 11
"slowly, slowly, he slid in me. Then he passed out. But I kept *******." Yup.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (133)
friedchickenpie 14
"Well, I saw Mister Tibbles lying in the carpet, and his little cat penis was just too hard to resist..."
SimoneDymond 3
What The ****?!?
friedchickenpie 14
Ooh... O.O
flockz 20
so it all started when my dad took me to the carnival. i mean the strong man looked so lonely....
sjhill 32
One of the lads then, is she?
deviable 9
The "bone chilling" makes me think there was blood involved, and maybe a body.
Pentium_4 27
if she's good at video games then that's hot, and she likes to drink.....lucky!
Airman1988 9
yea because everyone loves having women that talk about their sexual experiences with other men when they get drunk
Pentium_4 27
i just thought it was cool that she likes to play video games and drink
DocBastard 40
Does the word "cuckold" mean anything to you? No? Ok, how about "You're a whipped little bitch"?
ilovesarcasm 18
Ooh, I didn't see your comment there when I replied to #11...at least I'm going to get a sandwich out of it. Would you like one too, Doc? How 'bout some beers, since OP is in the kitchen already?
Sleepy_Hallow 7
He didn't say anything about how he reacted to the situation. So, I don't think its fair to call him a cuckold.
desireev 18
Maybe that is your wife getting back at you for being a full-grown-man and still inviting your friends over to play video games? The Christmas Party is going to be awkward, ya think? Merry Christmas anyway! :)
Wolvy_fml 3
That's funny. You think only kids play video games? I only play because both my parents do. Win? I think so.
Airman1988 9
Better a guy stay home and play video games than going out to the bar blowing tons of money getting wasted with his friends. Although I'd agree if it controls their life than its sad
desireev 18
I'm just saying that it was obviously a big deal at OPs house or else it wouldn't be on FML. Doesn't matter one way or the other. Was just making a comment. Merry Christmas guys! :)
cooLING 0
Or...she could just be an alcoholic. You don't have all the info to make that assumption.
YdoIhaveAchode 4
You're a chode.
ImaginaryFoe 1
The games weren't the reason for the FML, the wife's behaviour was. If the wife really felt the need to "get back" at the husband for that, this is even more of an FML. It could've been any other reason for the guests to be there and her behaviour would still be uncouth.
ohmandapants 17
24 you are always such a bitch. Always. I have 30 year old cousins who play video games all the time. They are full grown men, with wives and children. It's really not a big deal, the wife shouldn't be "getting back" at him.
ALpein 0
If you actually READ the FML, you would have noticed the part where the wife got drunk, embarrassed her husband great, and was a total bitch. But I see you stopped at the word 'Video Game' and assumed it was the end because you're a closeminded bitch who thinks she's popular. Am I in the ball park?
desireev 18
To all of you saying that I am a "bitch". I am seriously offended. I am always nice to everyone on here! I try to defend the people everyone attacks on here but it doesn't work. That's why I stopped commenting unless I had something nice to say. Which is most of the time. And as for my comment.. Everyone has an opinion. And I AM entitled to mine! I don't jump down every ones throats for stating their opinion. So unless you have something nice or intellectual to add to my comment, then don't even bother! I'm all about a debate.. But I will NOT argue with complete strangers over the damn Internet! And as for the commenter who said that I think I am "popular", I, by no means, am worried about having friends or impressing a single person on this thing. I read FMLs in my spare time. So don't knock your socks off by thinking that I am trying to get you to be my friend. I am perfectly content without you being my friend! Now get off my case! Merry Christmas!
desireev 18
And thank you TheIsland. I appreciate your comments. I try to be nice to everyone but I guess I can't please everyone. :( Anyway, have a safe and Merry Christmas and an even better New Year! :)
DeOilers 9
Desireev-I've noticed that almost every comment you post pisses me off. Just thought I'd let you know. *Merry Christmas*
desireev 18
104- according to your profile, you are Christian and you hope to get to know me.. Maybe you should act on what you say. C'mon! You're Christian! Love thy neighbor!... Not drop comments saying that they piss you off.. Merry Christmas to you as well! :)
DeOilers 9
First, being angry is not a sin and being a Christian does not make me a perfect person. Second, according to your profile, it's says, "Call me a b*tch for defending people..." but I don't see how you're defending someone when you're making fun of him playing video games.
gobluemegan 1
This is truely great
Wolvy_fml 3
Well thank god the controller was alright.
Amrel 10
My controller is worn out to shit:/ you get used to it and even love it though
AdrianEC 15
Now we know who wears the pants in the family. ^>^
corporatescoundr 25
Phenius does?...
shazza26 1
Your hope that they all wear pants at a gathering!
HappyJello 7
Oh she's getting into the Christmas spirit!
flockz 20
by describing how another man decked her halls.