Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was, "Nice weather?" FML
Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
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Top comments
christian1509 21
Dude **** her life, stop complaining just cause you didn't get some action, she's the one that actually got hurt
serslybro 20
Look on the bright side maybe you're cat knew something about her you don't. Your cat might have just saved you ;)
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Comments (104)
Migole 36
1. Hey, that girl fell down the stairs but I didn't get to have sex, **** my life! Seriously dude? -.- 2. Your cat isn't an "asshat" but probably extremely bored from the sound of it. Is it your only cat or very young while your other cat/cats are alot older? Because ALOT of people who complain about their cat doing things they don't like are actually just shitty owners who didn't read up on cat behaviour before getting one. Because newsflash, cats don't entertain themselves 24/7 and usually need a buddy their age (littermates are best) and a human who takes time out of their day to play/cuddle with them.
thatonetribute 31
Screw her life! You sound like a prick, whining about not getting laid when she actually got hurt.
echarlotte 19
She fell down a flight of stairs and dislocated her ankle but god forbid you don't get any action
Richard6036 13
I guess the cat believed that there's only one pussy in your house
writerchic85 26
You sound like a selfish asshole. All you're worried about is scoring and somehow you expect us to feel bad for you because she hurt herself and couldn't give you any. You're a dick towel.
tomvertigo 17
Maybe God sent that cat to attack to stop you from getting the clap...
9a_1z 12
Dude, with that attitude I can't imagine you're the most attentive of partners in bed, she should be thanking your cat. Also are you sure it was solely your cat's fault, was she very drunk too? Because in my experience drunk girl's ankles and stairs do not mix.
CosmicElk 26
Cats are such assholes :(
jagott2 8
If this FML is any indication at all of how you are as a person then I figured out why you can't get laid.
sporty061200r 8
They are in Alaska so that was his only shot with a female in 20 miles, drunk Eskimo fall down flight of stairs,,