Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was, "Nice weather?" FML
Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
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Top comments
christian1509 21
Dude **** her life, stop complaining just cause you didn't get some action, she's the one that actually got hurt
serslybro 20
Look on the bright side maybe you're cat knew something about her you don't. Your cat might have just saved you ;)
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Comments (104)
Maycontainnuts 17
You're right, poor you, you didn't get laid! Oh no, wait! Poor her, she broke her ankle, went home with a guy who thought she'd be "easy" and was only interested in sleeping with her and ended up being used as a pity point by an arse-hat like yourself!
pere 11
The cat was probably trying to make her run away so that she didn't make the mistake of sleeping with you.
vikky538 29
You ain't call it a luck until you get it
ericp96 10
This is why im a dog person
Ryukotse 7
how queer, much like myself :S
Ih8teenageangst 20
That's what happens in Alaska.
DrSirSexyLegs 15
Still got pussy. ?
But_Im_here_bish 4
SHE'S the one who dislocated her ankle and yet this guy's more worried about his dick? Honestly, that cat did her a favor - it's better to temporarily hurt your ankle than to catch an incurable STD from a fuckboy like OP.
_Just_My_Luck 15
Trade mark
Weirddate 11
It sounds like she should be the one posting the FML.