Today, my husband is sulking because he "can't" have sex with me. I've tried initiating things multiple times, but he keeps saying no, because I'm pregnant and he says it'd be exactly the same as having sex with his own kid. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me, ever since I told him I wanted to try for a baby. When I asked him why, he said it was because he likes lack of responsibility and money in the bank more than the thought of a screaming baby, no sleep and strong suicidal urges. FML
Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML
Today, my husband said sex is too weird because I'm pregnant with our first baby. He gets very grumpy without sex. I'm very horny with hormones. Only 6 more months. FML
Today, my husband threw an epic temper tantrum because I wouldn’t have sex with him. I recently suffered from a miscarriage and the thought of anything going on down there makes me uncomfortable. He eventually calmed down and said, "Fine, just don’t be surprised if I end up cheating." FML
Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML
Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML
Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML
Today, my husband is refusing any kind of sex with me. Last week, as a prank, I slapped his ballsack during foreplay, not hard at all. Now he says he "can't trust me" near his junk, the big baby. FML
Today, my fiancé told me that the thought of having sex with a pregnant woman repulsed him. I'm pregnant. He's glad he got that off his chest FML
Today, my husband asked if he could join Tinder for some “hookups and that’s it” because he’s tired of jerking off. I told him, “Absolutely not.” He thinks I’m being selfish and inconsiderate. I’m 7 months pregnant; in fact, I offered to have pregnant sex with him. He said that my belly turns him off, “no offense.” FML
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Top comments
arano 29
Your husband is a moron...
juicy_extasy 25
Show him a high school biology book so he gets educated. Win-win.
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Comments (126)
arano 29
Your husband is a moron...
csjc 16
I couldn't agree more.
Cads1 24
He just doesn't want give their child dimples!
Elban 20
Yeah, have that kid come out looking like a golfball. Hey, at least you would already have a great name.... Titleist
NeatNit 33
To be fair, you can't blame a guy for not wanting to bang a pregnant woman. I'll go ahead and give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't 100% serious when he made that metaphor
mjmaher81 5
It's possible he thought it was a issue of morals.
juicy_extasy 25
Show him a high school biology book so he gets educated. Win-win.
gogo44444 28
Or a condom
higgysaurus 18
#12 it seems a bit late for that
el_bell3618 29
On the bright side, he's careful!
Lalala579121 28
That's not really being careful. More like being disgusted for a very dumb reason.
tibtak_fml 10
On the bride side, he is too careful
Miss_Whipped 43
Not careful enough, she's pregnant!
Xamry14 10
How do you know it wasn't planned? Some people actually want their kids. Novel thing isn't it?
Emmamazing 26
I hope your child doesn't turn out as dumb as he is
milehigh52 22
I wouldn't call him dumb, just ignorant.
anarchymaniac 22
Wow he's dumb
xTommytheGUNx 15
.....and that's why the our sex education system needs to be better
katelng09 16
Someone didn't pay attention in high school..
lil_ham1644 29
I don't remember that lesson in high school.
Alexandria79 22
I'd tell him it's your ****** and the baby is up higher. if he keeps refusing then tell him the truth...he's not big enough to even come close to the baby. lol
ohSNAPyall 27
Up higher, in the uterus.
danceinconverse 25
Bahaha perfect!!!
HollyQuinn 21
I hope the baby inherits your brains!
wobbly1 16
My son must have gotten his brains from his his mother because I still have mine.
plsdonthateme 10
I don't understand why #91 is in negatives, it's really a good joke
soulreaper12296 28
Well I wouldn't really want to have sex with someone who's pregnant either. To me it just seems weird.
foxy_grampa 19
Women don't really start to show until they're 4 or 5 months along, they don't get the bigger belly that people think of with pregnancy until they are further along. And if I remember correctly As long as she isn't in her third trimester (when sex could trigger premature labor) it would be safe. His reason is altogether stupid though. I believe there was an episode on George Lopez about this situation.
bapbap_fml 15
I could see feeling weird about it of it were a random hookup with a pregnant woman. But if it's your spouse/partner who is carrying your child what's so weird? The baby is not in the ******, your penis gets nowhere near it.
loko0909 13
you can actually have sex though out the entire pregnancy. they actually encourage sex when you are close to 40 weeks, because it can help the cervix thin out so you'll go into labor.
madscientist_17 15
A lot of men are really attracted to pregnant women. It's awfully weird.
militarybrat 21
Women can be extremely horny during pregnancy. What makes it weird? Its not like you can feel anything with your dick. Even if you were big you couldnt feel anything.
Rodville 28
Pregnancy sex is awesome. You guys are missing out.
Kaoticwolf 17
this guy knows ^