Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was, "Nice weather?" FML
Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
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Top comments
christian1509 21
Dude **** her life, stop complaining just cause you didn't get some action, she's the one that actually got hurt
serslybro 20
Look on the bright side maybe you're cat knew something about her you don't. Your cat might have just saved you ;)
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Comments (104)
FMLiam 17
She might still like you though, but unfortunate moment op. Good luck with her!
Lalala579121 28
You just got pussy blocked.
higgysaurus 18
You can't trust anybody these days.
spacefish966 18
You got pussy blocked by a pussy !
Marynfrankie 19
Sounds more liker her FML! I have 4 cats and they're all dicks though.. lol
coming back in the future 30
Old cat lady?
Marynfrankie 19
Lol at only 19, and don't forget my dogs :) animals are better than people!
higgysaurus 18
#22 not if they are practically pushing people down stairs
Marynfrankie 19
That's true... but mine definitely don't do that. Very well trained.
enginsteve 17
#31 some people deserve to be pushed down the stairs.
ZaiopePerSe 15
22, animals want only to filfill their most carnal desires. what do we do? castrate them. all they live for is food, sleep and validation. they're like a teenager just even stupider 33, irrelevant and dumb. animals aren't card carrying vigilantes and vigilante justice is almost never just.
yerawizardlizzy 27
40, I hope you never acquire a pet.
Marynfrankie 19
Wow #40, ever heard of a thing called love? I don't know about most people but my dogs and cats are family to me.
serslybro 20
Look on the bright side maybe you're cat knew something about her you don't. Your cat might have just saved you ;)
gamermonster 34
Pretty sure OP isn't a cat ;)
gamermonster 34
For those who disliked my comment: i made a joke about a typo ;)
ZaiopePerSe 15
we know, 37. we just don't care, it was dumb. almost as dumb as 4
cacheson 42
39, and yet, 4 is a top comment. What does that say about you?
Mahcookiez 15
Hopefully op treated her a lot of care and maybe she could see past the accident, unless of course he only wanted a one night stand.
arauzfernando1 14
Maybe she had a virus or aids
Silly_Lilly6969 23
How did you get **** blocked by a pussy?
tiger820 20
I see what you did there....
WinterChild 20
Sex is a natural pain killer. Should have still done it.
christian1509 21
Dude **** her life, stop complaining just cause you didn't get some action, she's the one that actually got hurt
drayloon 50
"Today, I was heading upstairs with a guy I met at a club when his cat attacked me. I fell down the stairs and dislocated my ankle. FML" The story is funnier from the guy's perspective though
tyler_the_asiann 16
Dang... U just got ****-blocked by your own pussy
wondercat40 28
Poor girl! FHL!
iwanttogotoparis 26
Reinforcing the stereotype that cats are assholes